Yuppie #1: I admire the fact that your friends are so intelligent. Most people I speak to are single cell organisms, undergoing mitosis as I speak.
Yuppie #2: Then why do you speak to them?
Yuppie #1: They’re the only ones who call me
– Bond Street Starbucks
Those are some tambourines you have
Woman upon seeing a Mariachi band walk by: Why do they have tambourines on their legs? – Manhattan
A Jewish Hipster? For Real?
Hipster Girl: Hipsterism was made for Jewish guys and Asian Girls. – Williamsburg
…And Wake Up in Strange Beds
Young Woman: I don’t think you should do as I do. I mean, I drink a lot. –Greenwich Village Overheard by: Tommy Raiko
No More Enemas, Huh?
Gray-haired Man: I can get a hell of a lot more with my finger than I can with that. –East of Eighth, 23rd St. Overheard by: Megan Buckley
Where the Pets and Strippers Go
PetCo Woman: Oops, sorry to bump into you. Watch out, I might be going into your pants!
PetCo Guy: I wasn’t complaining. As long as you tip me.
–PetCo, Union Square
You Should See What I Stuck in the Drain
Girl: …And you hadda stick your damn FINGER down the toilet! –28th bet. 3rd and Lex Overheard by: Megan Buckley
It’s a Very Trenchcoat Hannukah
Old Lady: Those kids in Columbine used to bully kids themselves. I saw an interview with one. You think the parents didn’t know something was going on, the way they used to dress up like Hitler?
Black Nurse: Really?
Old Lady: One of them was half-Jewish, too!
Black Nurse: That don’t make sense.
Old Lady: They think they’re hot stuff. They don’t care.
–W Train
Lady In Red
Woman (wearing red pants & with red fingernails): I just made the greatest discovery: if I always dress in red, then I will always match and always look good! I’m now in the middle of getting rid of all my old clothing and buying only red clothing. – Subway
Kerry Who?
Woman (night of the New Hampshire primary): KERRY WON!!!!
Friend: What, American Idol?
– Manhattan