I Need Compassion and an Alibi

Guy #1: She was 14?!
Guy #2: Well, I didn’t know she was 14 when I slept with her.
Guy #1: Dude, how did you not know?!
Guy #2: She didn’t look 14…
Guy #1: And you didn’t ask her age?
Guy #2: I did. She lied and said she was 21.
Guy #1: And you didn’t ask for some identification?
Guy #2: Yeah man, ’cause the way to get a girl into bed is to ask her for some ID first.
Guy #1: Good point… Well, how old did you say you were?
Guy #2: 21.
Guy #1: 21?!
Guy #2: Yeah, 21.
Guy #1: Right, of course. Because 39 is clearly the new 21!
Guy #2: Don’t judge me, man… –52nd & Madison Overheard by: So <i>not</i> 14!

Did You See Their Eyes?

Guy after seeing girls step on sweater on the floor: Did you just see that?
Female companion: What?
Guy: This girl just looked down, saw that the sweater was on the floor, and still stepped on it. And the one after her. And the one after that one!
Female companion: So, it's not like it was a person!
Guy: It might as well have been! –Soho Overheard by: Genzoid

Why Is It Saying, ‘That Was Easy’?

Security guard #1 rushing in: Where is the panic button?
Sales girl: I don’t even know what that is.
Security guard #1: It’s not under the counter? You don’t have a panic button? How can you not have a panic button?
Security guard #2: I think this is it. Here, on the wall behind you.
Security guard #1: Okay, okay. Okay, let’s press it and see if it works. –Pierpont Morgan Museum Gift Shop Overheard by: not-panicking