It’s a Little Service I Run. Here’s My Card

Big black lady: Oh, honey! What’s wrong, baby?
Weeping white girl: Oh… It’s nothing. I’ll be okay.
Big black lady: Boy problems?
Weeping white girl: … Yeah.
Big black lady: What did he do to you, dear? Did he… Did he beat you?
Weeping white girl, trying not to laugh: No! No, it was nothing like–
Big black lady: –Did he sleep with another woman?
Weeping white girl: No, he–
Big black lady: –Because if he did he’ll get an STD and die, don’t you worry. –115th & Broadway

Wednesday's Clothes Are So Tight You Can See Her One-Liners

Very posh lady with silly hat to very posh lady with too much makeup: So they made this skirt for me, but they made it fit too perfect. I can't even walk up stairs. I feel like a geisha! –Gramarcy Park 40-something woman to 20-something woman: Honey, if your body is a 6, but your panties are a size 12, never, ever, under any circumstances, wear a tube dress where the band is just hitting below where those horizontal stripes are, jiggling on that ass. The front looks great. –Uptown A train 200-pound black woman to another: The only time I go commando is when it's 100 degrees out and I'm wearing a skirt. –Grand Central Overheard by: Brian Quinn Ugly girl: If I wore a bathing suit to every single class I promise you I'd pass. –Hunter College Large mami in tight stretchy outfit: When I saw the snow this morning I said "dag! I gotta change." but Alicia needs to zip me up. I can't reach the zipper. –Elevator, Midtown Overheard by: CH