Hip Hop girl #1: Yeah, they’re tight, but they make me look good in a mirror.
Hip Hop girl #2: Uh huh.
Hip Hop girl #1: And I like the camel toe.
–22nd & 6th
Queer: My pants are so tight they’re soundproof!
–Bleecker & West 11th
Overheard by: Justin
Daddy’s Favorite Second Choice
Barbershop quarter guy: Hey, she’s walking on the outside. That means she’s available. Tell that guy you’re with that walking on the outside means you’re available.
Guy: Um, she’s my sister.
–Spring & Wooster
Russian guy: You should introduce me to your sister.
Frat guy: Hell no, man.
Russian guy: I would introduce you to my sister.
Frat guy: Dude, what do you do in your country? Meet in neutral territory and swap family members?
–23rd & 10th
Overheard by: Mariclair Partee
The New Yorkers Waited With Bated Breath, Hoping Secession Was in the Works
Woman: Oh, this is great. We got on a nonstop train to Trenton. Just what I fuckin’ need in my life right now. It’s OK, we’ll just go see our nation’s capital.
Random man: Our nation’s capital?
Woman: You know I meant state. I don’t need comments from the fuckin’ peanut gallery. I went to high school. I graduated with fuckin’ honors.
–NJ Transit train, Penn Station
Overheard by: Another fuckin’ honor student
We Need to Know Whether to Get Them the Kama Sutra or Some Motor Oil
Guy to girl: We don’t know if they’re sleeping together or just commuting together. –Cooper Union Overheard by: V. Johnsen
It’s a Late Wednesday One-liners Lunch
Guy: I really hate the concept of Starbucks, but they really have the best product. –85th & Broadway Overheard by: Alison R.
Translation: I Crave Cock
Husband: Sex with you is great, but it’s no substitute for pepperoni! –Stop & Shop supermarket, Ridgewood Overheard by: Dawn
Insert Bloomberg Joke Here
Lady: Excuse me sir, can I bum a ciga…oh, you’re smoking a joint. –3rd Ave. & 12th Street Overheard by: David H
…as Is the Custom in Paris
Drunk guy on subway, trying to whisper: Um…for future reference, don't use that French accent next time we fuck.
Loud drunk girl, breaking into hysterical laughter: Ha! And then you're going to tell me not to fart on your balls!
–B Train
Overheard by: Glad I missed that party
Beer Companies and Star Wars Nerds Have Little to Fear
Girl: You’re on crack. Nobody’s just going to start calling the Empire State Building ‘ESB.’
Guy: If I do it often enough, it might start a trend.
–Empire State Building
Wednesday One-Liners Join the UFC
Professor: If any of you are sad about Anna Nicole, see me after class. I’ll give you a bitch slap. –NYU Family man: We watched two guys fight to the death over a parking space, and then we went to the Ice Capades. –Central Park, W 72nd Overheard by: Rachel Conductor: There will be no fighting on my train! Y’all gonna make me miss my lunch! –N train Overheard by: Shawnito Hobo to entire platform: You’ve seen cripple fights. You’ve seen hobo boxing. Now prepare yourselves for rich white assholes pushing to get on the train. [Train pulls in.] Briefcases may be used as shields. Good luck, folks. –4/5 platform, Union Square Overheard by: Orson Father holding daughter’s hand: You can’t just kick people when you don’t get what you want, Victoria. –Mott & Canal St Overheard by: Marie Teacher: See that guy in the mural? See how many muscles he has? If he wanted to, he could kick your ass. Look at Galileo. Even Galileo could kick your ass! –Brooklyn Tech High School Overheard by: Liz Six-year-old: If you go to my school, you get yo’ ass jumped. –107th & Manhattan Overheard by: Emily B.