One postal agent to other, speaking of the UPS agent nearby: Tell him to pick up all the heavy boxes, especially for the walk-ups. –Bleecker street Overheard by: Disco Lama
Fun with the Homeless
New York’s Friendliest Hobo: Your hair looks nice. MISS! YOUR HAIR LOOKS GOOD! –Midtown Overheard by: Megan Buckley
I Get More Action With Them
Schoolgirl: I’m the only one at school that wears wild stockings. –M79 Bus Overheard by: Fred Weiner
Those Wacky Homeless
Hobo: It’s not like I even mean to keep talking. I don’t wanna keep talking. They fucked up when they started making Taco Bell Doritos. They take away the molasses! Why? Because they know I like it. I smoked crack with the FBI. Hasta la vista, nigger. Next time I see you, I’m gonna blow crack smoke into your head, you fucking bitch. –W Train
Malice Goes to Style Court
Bored Guest: When are we going to get out of here? Don’t tell me in two hours. I’d rather get out of here in three hours than in two hours. If I have to go over that bridge during rush hour, I’ll shoot myself and then jump. I’ll be falling with a gun to my head. –Style Court Plaintiff Room
Malice Goes to Style Court
Walkie Talkie: Style for Lori. You’ve got a guest freaking out upstairs. Get up here. –Style Court Plaintiff Room
Malice Goes to Style Court
Guy: Who would you rather have sex with? The girl with the lazy eye or the fat chick?
Girl: Lazy eye.
Guy: Yeah, she’s got a good body.
–Style Court Audience
Overheard by: Tibbie X
Don’t Need No Crystal Ball
Girl: I’m going to do voodoo on her.
Guy: Is she black?
Girl: Yeah. The thing is that whatever you do comes back three times against you, so I’m going to have to do santeria to take it off.
–W Train
Hobo Fun
Touchingly Humorous Bum: Yo, what are you doing in my house? You assholes! You don’t knock, you don’t wipe your feet. You’re so rude. I’m just kidding. I’m not even homeless. I don’t want to go home to my wife. She’s 380 pounds. I gotta work full time and beg in my time off just to feed the bitch. –A Train Overheard by: Tibbie X
Weightlifter Wisdom
Bodybuilder: Dude, I was ignoring all the RED FLAGS that were going up about my relationship! You GOTTA ask yourself whether you’re gonna let her do that to you! –71st & Broadway Overheard by: Todd Seavey