Hipster, sitting in a cafe for two hours chatting on his cell phone: You will never do anything if you procrastinate. –Atlas Cafe, Williamsburg

I was born yesterday
Recent college graduate #1: Have you ever seen an actual 8-track?
Recent college graduate #2: Yes, I’ve seen one–but I’ve never seen a movie on one.
– Private apartment, Boerum Hill, Brooklyn
Hanging up is just too hard
Woman, screaming into her cell phone: I SAID I DON’T KNOW YOU. I CALLED THE WRONG NUMBER. I’M NOT ANSWERING ANY MORE QUESTIONS FROM YOU. I DIDN’T WANT TO CALL YOU. I DON’T KNOW YOU. I DON’T KNOW. I THOUGHT THIS WAS SOMEONE ELSE’S NUMBER. I DON’T WANT TO DISTURB YOU. I DON’T KNOW! WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THAT? I DON’T KNOW YOU. I DIDN’T MEAN TO ALL YOU. I’M NOT ANSWERING ANY MORE QUESTIONS. BYE. –Union Square Park
Bill Cosby Is Spinning in His Grave
Black Kid #1: Yo nigga, how long are we taking this train up? Yo dumb nigga, answer me.
Black Kid #2: Yo what?
Black Kid #1: How long are we taking this train up for?
Black Kid #2: I don’t know.
Black Kid #1: Niggers are dumb anyway.
–F Train
Sausage Fest Y2K4
Man #1: I am getting ready to throw my annual party soon.
Man #2: Dude, just remember to invite women this year.
–Central Park
Snappy Questions to Stupid Answers
Mother: Hey, have you been to the freak show…lately? –Coney Island Boardwalk Overheard by: Matt Law
Swing Low Sweet Chariots
Teen girl #1: I hate you. Your boobs are always so cute and perky!
Teen girl #2: Yeah, but when I’m not wearing a bra, they’re like…down to my navel.
–Kew Gardens
No wonder the dot-coms went under
Techie: …and there was a strong correlation between the last two digits of their social security numbers and how much they spent on the site! – Office, midtown
Tunneldumb and Tunneldumber
Lesbian #1: The G train always takes so long between stops, especially since it’s not going in a tunnel.
Lesbian #2: But it does go through a tunnel.
Lesbian #1: Yeah, but I mean a tunnel under water.
Lesbian #2: Oh, yeah, okay, it’s not going under water.
Lesbian #1: I always wondered how they make those tunnels.
Lesbian #2: They have one of those machines, that goes in circles.
Lesbian #1: Oh, okay…
Lesbian #2: You know, the one that goes in circles really quickly?
Lesbian #1: Yeah… [Pause] But when they build the tunnel in the water, does it go in the water, or under the water?
Lesbian #2: Under the water.
Lesbian #1: Oh, right.
–G train
What’s Your P-p-point?
Woman #1: That bad, huh?
Woman #2: And he stutters. I just want to smack him over the head. Spit it out!
–Bensonhurst
