Woman: Oh! That’s one of the books I want you to get for me.
Man: I’m not sure if they have it at the library.
–Barnes & Noble, West Village
Overheard by: Caren Lissner
Sage Advice
Urban Youth #1: I’m not Eric. I fight dirty.
Urban Youth #2: Why the fuck you wanna fight fair for? You know you’re gonna lose.
–D Train
Ix-nay on the Atman-bay
Guy #1: Secrets are meant to be kept in your head, not in a book.
Guy #2: Sometimes I forget those secrets and need a reference!
–Midtown Comics
That Explains Your Pallor…and Death
Chick: I have very, very, very, very little free time. In a week I might have 15 hours, and that includes sleep! –1st Ave & 9th St.
Punch Lines Without Punchlines
Woman: It’s like ‘Here’s two boxing gloves. Put them on. Beat yourself up.’ –6 Train
Quite an Anti-climax
Man: Her first husband told her he was gay after 7 years. Her second was a loveless marriage. And then she had coffee with me! –La Lanterna
I’m Only Classy When Lit
Guy: During the blackout we were over there stealing beers from that convenience store. –8th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: Stacy Katz
It’s Still Better Than Maxim
Frat boy #1: I’ve been reading Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. Dude, this book makes so much sense. I totally understand women now.
Frat boy #2: Yeah?
Frat boy #1: Yeah. This girl at work, she was all into me and shit and I totally cut her off, it was cold. She was so annoying. I really understand how to deal with women now. It explains all their games and translates what they’re saying.
Frat boy #2: So I’m reading this book about Transylvanian necrophiliacs…
–1 Train
Overheard by: Suzanne
Super-size Me, Mr. Bond
Daughter: You’re always humming that McDonalds song.
Mother: Huh?
Daughter: You know…”da da da da da I’m loooovin’ it.”
Mother: No, honey. Goldfinger. *Ba ra ba rum*
Daughter: Oh.
–Central Park
Money’s Too Tight for Steak
Daughter: Mom, is beef steak?
Mother: No, steak is steak.
–Mexican restaurant, Floral Park