The bartender is wearing a Blondie shirt.
Guy: Do you even know who Blondie is? Do you know who JFK is?
Bartender: Were you even alive when JFK was alive?
Guy: I’ll bet you were born in 1982.
Bartender: Did anyone ever tell you how charming you are?
Guy: No!
–The Library, Avenue A
What About Grandma?
Mom: Don’t ever disrespect your mother! You can always disrespect your father. All what your father did was to shoot the sperm. Your mother is the one who brought you out to this world. No matter what happens, don’t ever disrespect your mother! –D Train
Do Go On…
Hipster Dude: That reminds me of the invention of penicillin.
Hipster Chick: Uh huh.
Hipster Dude: You see they discovered penicillin when they observed…
Hipster Chick: Uh huh.
–Ave A and 6th St.
Overheard by: Cityrag.com
Kids Say the Stupidest Things
A little boy sees his mom’s reflection in the window. Boy: Mommy, are you a ghost? –2 Train
CASE CLASED
Girl: When I was a kid my parents bought me everything I wanted.
Guy: Well yeah, you were really spoiled.
Girl: No, I was highly entertained.
Guy: You were spoiled. You got everything, right?
Girl: Yeah…
Guy: So you were spoiled.
Girl: You don’t understand. I didn’t cry or whine. My parents just bought me everything.
–N Train
Overheard on Father’s Day
Doctor (on cell): Hello Doctor…Just tell her to take more anti-depressants for God’s sake. I don’t know, tell her to take three. I’m with my kids for Father’s Day, OK? –33rd Street and 6th Avenue Overheard by: Christopher
Fun with the Homeless
Two hobos are having a quarrel. Bum: No, no, man, we can’t fuck each other; we gotta find two women to fuck! –Herald Square Overheard by: Todd Seavey
The Secret is Out!
A Wendy’s employee, fresh off his break, pretends to be a customer.
Wendy’s Guy #1: Hello, sir. Welcome to Wendy’s. Can I take your order?
Wendy’s Guy #2: I want a Big Mac.
Wendy’s Guy #1: A Big Mac?
Wendy’s Girl: I don’t want a Big Mac but I want that sauce.
Wendy’s Guy #2: Yeah, it’s pretty good.
Wendy’s Girl: Isn’t it just 1000 island dressing?
–Wendy’s, Bensonhurst
You’re Jimmy Carter???
Guy: What does that tattoo say?
Chick: *Sigh* I promised myself I’d never get a tattoo unless I had a kid. Then I got a dog. It says Roxy. That’s her name. Now I have to explain to everyone how I’m the biggest loser in the world.
–LES
It sure ain’t muscle
Old Lady: And then she said she didn’t like him because he was too fat. She wanted to date someone skinnier. You know, like you?
Old Man: I’m skinny?
Old Lady: Of course.
Old Man: Then what’s this hanging off of me?
–Brighton Beach