Woman #1: I heard this train fell into the river one time. Is that true?
Woman #2: I dunno. I don’t see how it could. Maybe it could fall off to the side or something, but straight down? How would it get off the tracks?
Woman #1: I heard it fell into the river like nine years ago. Somebody told me that when I was in Miami.
–J train, en route via Williamsburg Bridge
They wouldn’t want you either
Hipster: I wouldn’t smoke to go into that health food store – Bedford Ave, outside health food store
Bait and Switch
Customer: I’d like a bagel with Honey Walnut cream cheese.
Cashier: No Honey Walnut. Strawberry.
Customer: Is there anything besides Strawberry that’s sweet?
Cashier: We have Vegetable. But that’s not sweet.
–Dunkin’ Donuts, Bensonhurst
I Think He’s Going to Propose!
Chick: Where are we going?
Guy: The Junction.
Chick: Why are we going to the Junction?
Guy: Because you’re a loser. Because you question me.
–D Train
But you’re in a 99-Cent Store
Cashier in Jack’s 99 Cent store: Here’s your change, 62-cents
Woman: But I just gave you $62, and since everything here costs $1, how come you’re giving me 62 cents back?
Cashier: Everything here is 99-cents
Woman: Really?
Cashier: Yeah
– Jack’s 99-Cent Store, Midtown
Especially Elderly Women
Teen: So this is what women mean when they complain about wearing diapers. –Bed-Stuy
Yes, You made the choice yourself
20-something yuppie: As soon as I got my acceptances & rejections back, I realized what I should have realized before I even applied, of where I really wanted to go and what I really wanted to study. – Park Slope
…And She Votes
Teen with Bright Future: What’s that? Now that I’ve become pregnant people think that I don’t fight. Come here. I’ll kick your fucking ass, bitch. –14th Street
Order Up
Taco Bell Lady: 1 Beef Burrito.
Customer: As in 296? Is that order 296?
Taco Bell Lady: Yeah.
Customer: Are you sure? I don’t want to take someone else’s.
Taco Bell Lady: Uh huh.
Customer [under his breath]: Do you know where you are?
–Taco Bell, West Village
That’s an Order
20-something woman: You’re going to worship my mother when you meet her.
Man: I will?
Woman: Yes. Because I do.
– Pizzeria, Boerum Hill