Wednesday One-Liners Enforce the Penile Code

Guy: Peanut butter and dick is so delicious. –Henry St & Clinton St Overheard by: Jeannie Hipster girl to friends: … And that’s why guys shouldn’t try to suck their own dicks. –Dominie’s Hoek, Long Island Guy: I just made an RM cry. I feel like a compliance dickhead! –Wall St EMS worker: … And that’s how my penis landed in the punch bowl. –Fordham & Southern Guy on phone: What? If my balls are on your chin, where the fuck is my cock? –Mercer & W 3rd Overheard by: TheBrit Woman in an ‘Officer Nasty’ costume: That girl sure knows how to bake a penis! –Party, 168th & Broadway Overheard by: Peter Pecker

Wednesday One-Liners Pretend They’ve Read Kerouac

Hipster chick: It costs like $280 to go blonde, which seems expensive but it’s totally worth it because then you’re blonde. –Hop Scotch Overheard by: bildita Hipster: My brother entitled all of his college essays "Heeeey Essaaaaay!" –Smith Street & President Overheard by: Michelle C. (drunk or ill hipster guy lying on stairs moans pitifully and vomits)
Hipster’s friend, looking away and pretending not to know him: Ha! Fag! –7th Ave Young hipster: Let’s face it, at some point I’m gonna be homeless. –Union Square Overheard by: Conti Hipster girl: Pickles are so in right now. –Renegade Arts Festival, Williamsburg

I Hope She Doesn’t Hanker for a Seeing-Eye Dog

Black chick: Yeah, I broke my sister’s knee with a baseball bat.
White chick: Wow, me and my sister had some bad fights but your’s top all our fights. You must really hate each other.
Black chick: No, I did it out of love.
White chick: What do you mean?
Black chick: My sister’s in the Army Reserve. They called her unit up to go to Iraq. I hit her on purpose so she wouldn’t have to go. I had to hit her twice to make sure her knee was broken. –Tillary Street, Downtown Brooklyn