Suit on cell: I've been itching to watch the fourth season of The Brady Bunch! (pause) Have you heard of The Brady Bunch? (pause) The Brady Bunch was some cheesy show from the 70s, I don't know… –79th St & Broadway Overheard by: Elk Nuts

Wednesdays Pray Their One-Liners Don't Go Condo

Middle-aged woman to others: Just because she's got her own apartment, she thinks she has it all together. –Near NYU Overheard by: Eric 20-something guy to another, about his apartment: All I want to do in my apartment is die. –Fort Greene, Brooklyn Overheard by: Dodd Loomis Woman on cell, walking briskly: There was blood all over the apartment… –E 9th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave Cashier to male shopper: Dude, your apartment is rent-stabilized and you have food stamps? You are so rich! –Whole Foods, Houston & Bowery 20-something trendy Jonas Brother-looking dude on cell: No, I sleep on the couch that's in the kitchen. (short pause) I'll tell you about my apartment later. –9th Ave b/w 14th & 15th Overheard by: Dash

The Rocky Horror Wednesday One-Liner Show

Old lady to grad student son: Hmmm, I never thought of it before, but pre-op transsexuals are like ABDs! –98th & Broadway Overheard by: Kobayashi Hipster: This is New York! You’d think I could have a sex change and everyone would be okay with it! –3rd & Lex Overheard by: West Coast Courtney Guy: So, let me get this straight — she was a fine-ass chick that looked like a dude that wasn’t a fine-ass chick, because she looked like a dude? –Court St & Atlantic Ave 20-ish chick: I can’t believe how selfish she is. I mean, why wouldn’t she share her tranny? –Brooklyn Burger Bar Fat Italian guy in velvet running suit: Everybody fucks… We all fuck… But did she have to fuck a guy with tits?! –Little Italy Overheard by: Frank C. Man: You’re right — I thought I was the only one that thought that the skinny little woman from Sex and the City and Jennifer Aniston look like trannies. –Chambers St & W Broadway Overheard by: sonny Female student: Who would have expected that they would play the ‘Your dead brother is actually a woman’ card? –Columbia University Overheard by: Matthew

These Are My Wednesday One-Liners, in Whom I Am Well-Pleased

Seated proselytizer: Jesus walked through walls without using the door, and when Jesus touches you, he is inside you and you become like Jesus. So, if you do something to me, I don’t need the police. I can just come to your house, because I can get in without keys. –1 train Overheard by: thaler Mexican preacher: Statistics show one in one person will die. –Times Square Overheard by: soccerking3t Religious nut: You have to accept God! His holy grace! His saving grace! He’s got all kinds of grace! –Grand Central Bible-thumper: There’s no way if you wrap citric acid, cola, and carbonation in aluminum foil and stick in in the fridge for a million years it’s ever going to evolve into a Coke! –Tompkins Square Park Preacher: The best thing you can have on your resume when you die is not that you went to Harvard, not that you have a Ph.D., but that you have eternal life. –Staten Island Ferry Overheard by: God requires a resume?