Overheard in New York | The Voice of the City

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You Tore It Limb from Limb??

Elegantly dressed woman: I don't remember what happened last night, but I feel like I need to plant a tree or something to make up for it.
Attractive friend: What does that even mean?
Elegantly dressed woman: I don't know.
Attractive friend: I drank so much... I killed a tree?

--A Train

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A Bulgarian Wax Will Pull Your Balkans Off

Heavily accented barista: Vat can I get forrr you?
Customer: I'll have a tall, iced, nonfat latte...I like your accent. Are you from Brazil?
Heavily accented barista: No, I'm from Bulgaria.
Customer: Oh. Is that near Brazil?

--Starbucks

Overheard by: *smacks forehead with hand*

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For Missing All the Free Games

Drunk Jets fan #1: If I was a bird or a bat, I'd live in a stadium.
Drunk Jets fan #2: Well, yeah, otherwise you're just stupid.

--PATH

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That's Just New York in the Morning, Honey

Little girl: It smells here.
Father: Oh, like what?
Little girl: Like... Coffee... and... the zoo.

--Starbucks

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...And I'm Still Convinced That Cane Was for Style.

Man: It's just frustrating walking behind really slow people.
Woman: He was handicapped!
Man: It's still frustrating.

--21st St & Park Ave

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Where "All the Way" Involves Two Hands

Guy in bar: My ex-girlfriend from college is now on that reality show Rock of Love 2.
Group of friends: Wow, really?
Guy in bar: Yeah... I'm the reason she told Brett Michaels that she never had "all the way" sex.

--4th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: BenRC

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Fair Enough.

Driver being diverted past blockaded street: What's going on here?
Cop diverting traffic: What's going on? It's New York freaking City! That's what's going on! Move along!

--9th Ave & 20th St

Overheard by: Mighty Spatula

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...By Glazing Over the Truth.

Old lady covered in baby powder: Give me six donuts.
Donuts clerk: Okay, which ones?
Old lady covered in baby powder: Six donuts.
Donuts clerk: These are all donuts... Which ones?
Old lady covered in baby powder: Six donuts.
Donuts clerk: Okay, I'll just give you a selection of six. (starts putting random donuts in bag)
Old lady covered in baby powder: Six donuts, don't trick me.

--Flatbush, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Save the Whales, Save the Whole Thing

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NewsFlash: Romance Outbreak in Chelsea!

Girl #1: Hey, if you were dating someone new and then they told you on, like, the third date or whatever that they had genital herpes, would you continue dating them? I mean, like, would you sleep with someone like that?
Girl #2: I don't know. Maybe. I mean, I feel like a lot of people who have herpes don't even know it, so the fact that they told you probably means they're responsible enough to get checked, and they, like, know how to take care of it and everything. In a weird way you may be less likely to get it from them than from someone who never mentions herpes at all.
Girl #1: That's interesting. I think I could do it if, like, I saw myself marrying them. Cause then I wouldn't have to worry about getting it and giving it to someone else. We could just get married, be in love, and be happy together, and grow old with each other, and with herpes.
Girl #2, seriously: That's so romantic.

--American Apparel, Chelsea

Overheard by: Has a different definition of

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...Can We at Least Still Get Ice Cream?

Four-year-old boy: Daddy, why is there no express service today?
Father: Because the government invests all their money in war and killing people and doesn't wanna invest in public transportation!
Four-year-old boy: Oh. That's so unfair!

--6 Train

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You Mean Gay Mafia Tight?

Dude to waiter: Yeah, I'll have the scrambled eggs. Scramble 'em soft so they're a little runny, with extra crispy bacon--almost burnt--wheat bread just a little toasted. Yeah, very light. And a cut of Gruyere cheese and grapes on the side. Yo, you still got those crumpets? Those flaky crumpets? Cool, I'll have 'em with peppermint tea with a wedge of lemon and cane sugar. Alright? Thanks.
Girlfriend, eying him warily: Babe, your brunch game is tight. Like, suspiciously tight...

--The Farm on Adderley, Brooklyn