Chick: I have very, very, very, very little free time. In a week I might have 15 hours, and that includes sleep! –1st Ave & 9th St.
Punch Lines Without Punchlines
Woman: It’s like ‘Here’s two boxing gloves. Put them on. Beat yourself up.’ –6 Train
Quite an Anti-climax
Man: Her first husband told her he was gay after 7 years. Her second was a loveless marriage. And then she had coffee with me! –La Lanterna
I’m Only Classy When Lit
Guy: During the blackout we were over there stealing beers from that convenience store. –8th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: Stacy Katz
It’s Still Better Than Maxim
Frat boy #1: I’ve been reading Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. Dude, this book makes so much sense. I totally understand women now.
Frat boy #2: Yeah?
Frat boy #1: Yeah. This girl at work, she was all into me and shit and I totally cut her off, it was cold. She was so annoying. I really understand how to deal with women now. It explains all their games and translates what they’re saying.
Frat boy #2: So I’m reading this book about Transylvanian necrophiliacs…
–1 Train
Overheard by: Suzanne
Super-size Me, Mr. Bond
Daughter: You’re always humming that McDonalds song.
Mother: Huh?
Daughter: You know…”da da da da da I’m loooovin’ it.”
Mother: No, honey. Goldfinger. *Ba ra ba rum*
Daughter: Oh.
–Central Park
Money’s Too Tight for Steak
Daughter: Mom, is beef steak?
Mother: No, steak is steak.
–Mexican restaurant, Floral Park
Paging Pat Benatar
Young urban male: He didn’t hit you hard enough.
Young urban female: Yes, he did.
Young urban male: No, he hit you soft. *BAF*
Young urban female: The last time he hit me, he hit me mad hard.
–D Train
Alcohol-arious!
Woman #1: Have you ever been to this place?
Woman #2: Yeah, Irish bar. You know those motherfuckers can drink.
Woman #3: You can say that again.
Woman #1: I don’t usually hang out in Irish bars. Too rowdy for me.
Woman #3: C’mon on, you’ll like it. Besides, the bartender is cute.
Woman #2: This chick I know fucked him but he is lousy in the sack. The only reason she banged him was because he’s good-looking and she gets free drinks.
Woman #1: Too bad the good-looking ones are always dumb and suck. If he’s that good-looking I’d fuck him too. Drinks in this fucking city are expensive as hell. Why not? Let’s see what your friend is talking about.
–44th & 8th
Paging Mr. Ding-Dong
Woman #1: Is the Mister Softee truck the same as the Ding-Dong Cart back home?
Woman #2: I’m not sure it was really called the Ding-Dong Cart or if we just called it the ding-dong cart because of the sound it made.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Todd Seavey