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Wednesday One-Liner Repeats Itself
Lady to foreign friend: These 13 circles have the names of the original colonies from when Columbus landed in America.
--Conservatory Garden, 105th & 5th
Teenage girl to friend: But Trotsky was totally doing Lenin, you can't deny it.
--1 Train
Friend in elevator showing old photos from Rome: There's the Colosseum. You know. Where the lions and the Catholics had their thing.
--7th & 31st
Overheard by: Greg
Teenage boy to another: Y'know what I'd like to see? Teddy Roosevelt and Andrew Jackson in a cage fight.
--6th Ave & 54th St
Overheard by: Dale
Wednesday Lindsay-Lohaners
Gay guy, angrily looking at woman eating sausages: And that is why I hate lesbians!
--Gay Pride Parade
Man on cell: I went to San Francisco last month to find me a lesbian girlfriend.
--Big Apple BBQ
Overheard by: skibs
Angry lady to another: Why would I have sex with another woman?
--Greenwich Village
Hobo on platform: Men... do not have sex with women! Any man who has sex with a woman should be arrested. Women do not like sex--women are all lesbians!
--7 Train
Crazy hobo to young girls on bench: You girls are a box full of lesbians!
--Union Square
Overheard by: Daphne
Wednesday One-Liners Get Their Washington Square Park On
Mother, during tour: I noticed a lot of students have piercings. Can you recommend a good place around here?
--NYU
Grad student on cell: Hey, it's me. Tomorrow, dress appropriately. It's supposed to be 65, so I'll bring a frisbee. Afterward, I want to go to your place because there's certain things I want to do, and your place is much more (pause) conducive for certain activities.
--NYU
Overheard by: DrNels
Girl to another: I used to drink sangria before my classes at NYU.
--Rockefeller Center
NYU student to friend: Man, you gotta remember, you gotta know--you have to stuff that bitch. You gotta know.
--Weinstein Hall, University Place
NYU law student: You know what I love about this building? It smells like a new BMW.
--NYU Law Building
Wednesday One-Liners Prefer to Think Of It As "Long-Term Borrowing"
Rich girl: I went to Forever21 and bought a dress. Then I stole some sunglasses and other accessories along with it, cause you know, times are rough.
--Metro-North Rail
Run-down-looking middle-aged guy: I got my phone stolen. Uh-huh. No, it wasn't even a trick, it was a friend!
--Home Depot, 23rd St
Overheard by: STC
Very loud child at display of cars to mother in line: It's okay, mom! You don't need to buy one for me. I can just take one and run out. Maybe even two, easy!
--Rite Aid, Brooklyn
Overheard by: oneofmanymikes
Shopping lady to friend: It's okay to steal but it's not okay to be gay.
--94th & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: venniblue
Girl on phone: So you actually caught him stealing from you? (pause) Okay. (pause) Well, you didn't want that anyway. So you're still going to fuck him, right?
--Broadway & 21st St
Not Another Teen Wednesday One-Liner
Teen in sideways cap: I touched it, but I didn't like it.
--Uptown A Train
Overheard by: Ladle
Student: Dude, I think I'm dyslexic with stairs.
--Stuyvesant High School
Teen, seriously: No... Webkinz are definitely a lot more high-maintenance then neopets.
--Downtown 6 Train
Teenage boy: I want to be a Senator or something like that. Like, the Government is the best place to have sex.
--Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Punk teen to friends: Even though it seemed like she was into things, now she's not into anything.
--Union Square
Overheard by: i don't like stuff either
Anything You Say Can and Will Be Used Against Wednesday One-Liners
Little boy to father, watching NYPD officers standing outside on horseback: Shit, yo! The cops is here!
--W 42nd St
Overheard by: Nikki
Loudspeaker on police car to pedestrians: We have sidewalks in New York. Try using them!
--Chinatown
NYC cop to pushy tourist: Don't touch me, I have no answers for you.
--Columbus Circle
Man to cop: When are you gonna learn that, man? People suck!
--Grand Central Station
Cop on horseback to pedestrian horse admirer: Don't get any closer to the horse, unless you want rabies.
--3rd St & Thompson
Overheard by: Heather
Do Wednesday One-Liners Make You Hot?
20-something guy dressed as Edward Cullen for Halloween: So anyway, I walk in, and they are both sitting there, playing with each other's erections...
--Bedford Ave & Berry St
Overheard by: Marie Miller Barnes
Ginger kid in audience, as photo of awkward Asian teen sticking banana in his mouth is projected on movie screen: I am definitely aroused.
--Tisch School of the Arts
Joggers to another: Raging hard-ons!
--Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Katie
20-something girl to another: How could he not go out with you? I mean, you gave him a boner at Relay For Life!
--Union Square
Overheard by: Becca
Living in a State Of Bliss Has Erased My Memory
Girl: Dave! I haven't seen you in ages! How are you?
Dave, completely serious: Who are you?
--St. Mark's Place
...But Enough About Judi Dench...
NYU guy #1: Yeah, she totally came!
NYU guy #2: Twice!
--Cloister Cafe
How Kids Learn to Offer Bribes
Little boy, whispering to brother: That's a cop. He can arrest people.
(brother starts tickling little boy)
Little boy: Arrest him! Arrest him!
Cop: Sorry, kid. I'm off duty.
--5 Train
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
I Just Threw Up in the Potato Salad a Little
Deli worker: Dude, did you just see those girls walk by outside?
Friend: Damn, dude, those girls are walking around like their shit don't stink! And it definitely doesn't.
Deli worker: Yeah, tell me about it!
Friend: Seriously, bro, I'd let both of them fart in my mouth!
--Deli, Greenpoint
Today, My Son, You Are a New Yorker.
Dad to four-year-old son: Okay, this is our stop.
Four-year-old son: I hate life.
Dad: What?
Four-year-old son: I hate life.
--1 Train
Overheard by: RAF
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