Overheard In New York

CASE CLASED

Girl: When I was a kid my parents bought me everything I wanted.
Guy: Well yeah, you were really spoiled.
Girl: No, I was highly entertained.
Guy: You were spoiled. You got everything, right?
Girl: Yeah…
Guy: So you were spoiled.
Girl: You don’t understand. I didn’t cry or whine. My parents just bought me everything. –N Train

Fun with the Homeless

Two hobos are having a quarrel. Bum: No, no, man, we can’t fuck each other; we gotta find two women to fuck! –Herald Square Overheard by: Todd Seavey

The Secret is Out!

A Wendy’s employee, fresh off his break, pretends to be a customer. Wendy’s Guy #1: Hello, sir. Welcome to Wendy’s. Can I take your order?
Wendy’s Guy #2: I want a Big Mac.
Wendy’s Guy #1: A Big Mac?
Wendy’s Girl: I don’t want a Big Mac but I want that sauce.
Wendy’s Guy #2: Yeah, it’s pretty good.
Wendy’s Girl: Isn’t it just 1000 island dressing? –Wendy’s, Bensonhurst

You’re Jimmy Carter???

Guy: What does that tattoo say?
Chick: *Sigh* I promised myself I’d never get a tattoo unless I had a kid. Then I got a dog. It says Roxy. That’s her name. Now I have to explain to everyone how I’m the biggest loser in the world. –LES

It sure ain’t muscle

Old Lady: And then she said she didn’t like him because he was too fat. She wanted to date someone skinnier. You know, like you?
Old Man: I’m skinny?
Old Lady: Of course.
Old Man: Then what’s this hanging off of me? –Brighton Beach

…My Dad, too.

Two boys, both about 10, are thoroughly engrossed in their Game Boys. First boy: My mother’s a lesbian.
Second boy: So is mine. –#1 Train