Very Straight Guy: Hey, it’s not like I’m giving Ellen DeGeneres a claddagh ring! –Jeremy’s Ale House Overheard by: Megan Buckley
A UN for Assholes
Jerk: I love making fun of the German. I love making fun of the French, too. I’m an equal opportunity destroyer. –D Train
Pencil Envy
A boss approaches his employee, holding up two pieces of lead for a retractable pencil. Boss: I don’t ask you to do much, but can you tell me which one of these is bigger? –UES Overheard by: Mindi Laine
Non Sequitur Theatre
Guy: I really hate it when people mop my feet. I am Jamaican, after all. –Bryant Park Overheard by: Stephie Russell
The Virtue of Selfishness
Pastry Shop Worker: Is anyone willing to give up their seat for a girl that has to stand on her feet all day?
Train Riders: [SILENCE]
Pastry Shop Worker: Come on, all you guys just go sit in front of your computers every day, how damn hard is that? I have to make shit for people and stand on my feet all day. You people are so selfish!
–6 Train
That’s What We’re All Talking About
Middle-aged man: So they say to me, ‘Ken, just because you have that gun on us doesn’t make you any better than us’.
Friend: Um, yeah.
Middle-aged man: And I said to them, ‘That’s what I’m talking about, man, that’s what I’m talking about!’
–Delancey St.
Overheard by: cityrag.com
Blondie is a Group
The bartender is wearing a Blondie shirt.
Guy: Do you even know who Blondie is? Do you know who JFK is?
Bartender: Were you even alive when JFK was alive?
Guy: I’ll bet you were born in 1982.
Bartender: Did anyone ever tell you how charming you are?
Guy: No!
–The Library, Avenue A
What About Grandma?
Mom: Don’t ever disrespect your mother! You can always disrespect your father. All what your father did was to shoot the sperm. Your mother is the one who brought you out to this world. No matter what happens, don’t ever disrespect your mother! –D Train
Do Go On…
Hipster Dude: That reminds me of the invention of penicillin.
Hipster Chick: Uh huh.
Hipster Dude: You see they discovered penicillin when they observed…
Hipster Chick: Uh huh.
–Ave A and 6th St.
Overheard by: Cityrag.com
Kids Say the Stupidest Things
A little boy sees his mom’s reflection in the window. Boy: Mommy, are you a ghost? –2 Train