Overheard in New York | The Voice of the City

Get the 10 best quotes
by e-mail weekly!

The Adult Film Industry Will Be Happy to Guide You

Cute Asian girl: I feel like I'm in high school again, except the person I'm dating is female and a really good kisser, and the guy I'm plotting to seduce is my professor. What's wrong with my life?
Friend: I think you need to either learn to live without penis, or realize that kissing men isn't scary.
Cute Asian girl: Kissing women is scary too! But I happen to really enjoy kissing Christina.
Friend: Okay, so if you want to do your professor so badly, don't you think he might be a good kisser too?
Cute Asian girl: There are so many things you can do with a guy that don't involve kissing...
Friend: Again... Get over penis or start kissing men!
Cute Asian girl: It isn't that simple!

--Uptown 2 Train

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf? |

Tracy Chapman's Been Saying That Since 1988

Bag lady to white guy whistling "When the Saints Go Marching In": Damn, nigger, that's my jam!
Guy: I'm... Ummm... sorry?
Bag lady: Yeah? Fuck you too!
(guy and girl walk away)
Bag lady: Shit, I gotta get outta this town and get my own place!

--L Train

Overheard by: The Music Man

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf? |

Canadia: Dammit...!

Teenage girl #1: And she was trying to convince me that Florida is north of New York!
Teenage girl #2: Oh my god, some people are so stupid! North of us is like... Delaware!

--Hudson & Gansevoort

Overheard by: Laura

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf? |

I Checked Her Birth Certificate

Hispanic teenage girl #1: I don't know about that girl. She just don't fit in with our group.
Hispanic teenage girl #2: Yeah, she think she ghetto fabulous, but she just ghetto.

--Brooklyn

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf? |

Who Knew Sex With Strangers Could Be Unsatisfying?

Walk of shame girl #1: He said I was the best 20-minute decision he ever made.
Walk of shame girl #2: Oh my god, really??
Walk of shame girl #1: Yeah, more like 5 minutes.

--89th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Just Out For Coffee

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf? |

New Yorkers Aren't Impressed When You Put on the Dog

Woman to waiter: Oh my god! I left my mink stole here. Oh please don't let it be gone. (goes to table, finds stole) Oh, thank god I found my mink stole and no one took it!
Woman at next table: Oh, please, bitch, ain't nobody want your German Shepherd!

--The Diner Restaurant, Midtown

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf? |

Why Topless Tutoring Exists

Eight-year-old ghetto kid: Mama, give me your cell phone! I gotta call my girlfriend.
Mother: What you gonna talk to her about? How you can't read and write? Tell her to help you with that!

--Harlem

Overheard by: Joe

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf? |

Why Little Kids Should Not Be Allowed to Watch Training Day

Six-year-old boy to two undercover NYPD officers: Hi, what's your name?
Six-year-old boy's mom: Hey, boy, what did I tell you about speaking to strangers?
NYPD undercover officer: It's okay, we're cops. (flashes badge)
Six-year-old boy: Aahhhhhhhhh! (runs into mother's arms)

--E Train

Overheard by: Rob G

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf? |

You May Now Hakuna Matata

Hipster #1: So you're like Simba in The Lion King. Except you're lazy... and drunk.
Hipster #2: Exactly!

--Hunter College

Overheard by: Lucia C

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf? |

Because She Knew How to Behave Like a Lady.

Guy #1: I told him you don't ask a woman for a cigarette, you just don't do it.
Guy #2: Yeah... Word.
Guy #1: But he didn't listen. Next thing you know he's getting pistol whipped and my car is being towed away.

--1 Train

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf? |

It's Like He Thinks We Don't Need Silk Garbage Bags

Upper West Side wife #1: He thinks I can operate this household on $25,000 a month--that bastard better get a better job.
Upper West Side wife #2: Yeah, really, he needs to get his shit together.

--83rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Mike