Crying Little Girl: My feet are cold!
The Baby’s Daddy: You’ve got to let them warm up and thaw.
Crying Little Girl: They’re really cold!
The Baby’s Daddy: They’ll be warm in a minute.
Crying Little Girl: My feet are cold!
The Baby’s Daddy: Shut up! Shut up! Stop crying! Do you want me to kick your ass in front of everybody on the train? Your feet are gonna be cold but your ass is gonna be hot!
–W Train
Maybe Your Straw is Too Thin
Man: These girls love the orange juice taste, but they just can’t handle the pulp. –Bubby’s, Hudson St. Overheard by: Megan Buckley
And What’s Her Number?
Guy: She does the hard stuff first. She leaves the fun and easy stuff for the end. –Funayama, Greenwich Village
Dr. Phil’s Ultimate Weight Loss Plan
Guy: Spam with Cheez Whiz. That’s my new diet. –Funayama, Greenwich Village
They Met at the USPS
Fat Slob: I think I love you, babe. Ooh, that tattoo is cute. “Rot in Peace.” –Post Office, Bensonhurst
That’s a Show I Want to See
American Man: Do they know in Africa who Helen Keller is?
African Woman: Yes…didn’t she have a television show a couple of years ago?
–Forest Hills
Chivalry Ain’t Dead
Chick: He bumped against me. He said, “I’m sorry.” I said, “That’s OK.” I didn’t realize he was shoving me out of the way to take my seat! –F Train
Ms. Manners 2004
Girl: She’s a lesbian. Why are you trying to find an excuse that she’s not a lesbian? That’s very rude. –W Train
God Bless the ACLU
Cop: Come on, you’re coming with me.
Educated youth: Naw, man! I got my third right amendment! My third right amendment!
["No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law."]
–42nd & 7th
Damn Effete Gangsters
Drunk: They’re, like, Mafia terrorists! …but they’re French. –Divine Bar West Overheard by: Megan Buckley