Urban Man #1: Man, I can’t stand these black folks movin’ into our neighborhoods, man!
Urban Man #2: You’re black.
Urban Man #1: Pygmies an’ flapjacks!!
–Malcom X and MLK Blvds.
Someone’s Got S-E-X on His Mind
Guy: You need a new mattress? Why not call 1-800-M-A-T-T-R-E-S?
Girl: Ha, ha! Nah.
Guy: Then there’s gotta be some local places. You should be able to get a mattress for $100.
–40th & 7th
I Was Wondering the Same Thing
Guy #1: What’s with the queerfest?
Guy #2: It’s tomorrow night.
–Ave A & 3rd St.
Sand to the Beach
Playa on cell: I know there will. That’s why I’m not bringin’ my shortie. You don’t bring sand to the beach, playa. Huh-huh. –Stanton + Forsythe, LES Overheard by: Cityrag.com (Hi, Buddy!)
“Shove it!”
Man: I can’t eat ketchup. It makes my scalp sweat. –West Village
Too Good to Be True?
Woman #1: You see that guy?
Woman #2: Who?
Woman #1: The bartender.
Woman #2: Yeah, what about him?
Woman #1: I fucked him.
Woman #2: Was he any good?
Woman #1: No, he sucked shit.
Woman #2: Are you still fucking him?
Woman #1: Hell, yeah!
Woman #2: Why the hell are you fucking him, then?
Woman #1: We’re getting free drinks, aren’t we? And besides I’m bored and not getting any other dick at the moment so I might as well. I’ll ditch his dumb good-looking ass soon.
Woman #2: You mean when you find another good dick!
Woman #1: Whatever.
Woman #2: Cheers.
–Midtown Bar
Stupid Answers to Snappy Questions
Guy: Make your own ammonium nitrate! Ask me how! –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Tommy Raiko
And We Dress So Futuristic Now
An art gallery has an exhibit of old record covers. Hipster girl: People dressed so retro back in those days. –Soho
Straightlines without Punchlines
Young woman: You need to get a car so you can take my kitty cat to the vet. –Starbucks, 71st & Broadway Overheard by: Zvi Mowshowitz
You Can’t Make These Quotes Up
Guy on cell: I got fired on Thursday. I was 10 minutes late and they fired me, can you believe it?…Oh come on, it was my first day! –1st Ave & 9th St.