…I Should Probably Go Get That Checked Out.

Vendor #1, loudly: Do you have Munchhausen's syndrome?
Vendor #2: Which one is that?
Vendor #1: It's the one where you're obsessed with going to the hospital.
Vendor #2: Oh, yeah. Probably. –Flea Market, Brooklyn Overheard by: A

The Excited Titter of Wednesday One-Liners

Tech director: I don’t need dirty, rusty, random screws. –Lincoln Center Institute Overheard by: Brina Excitable Islamic Studies professor: … And what happened when the woodcutter spoke to Mohammed? Yes! He gave him wood! This man, he gave Mohammed wood! And why could only this man give Mohammed wood? Just because he was a woodcutter? No! And do you know what happened when this man gave Mohammed wood? Mohammed’s wood exploded into flowers! Yes! –Eugene Lang College Overheard by: amelia Man on conference call speakerphone: Our card penetration was not what we expected from the district. Lucy*, can you tell everyone how you got such good penetration at your store this month? –The Gap, Queens Conductor: No! No doors in my rear! Not in my rear! –A train, Broadway Junction Overheard by: amused Grandmother tourist to granddaughter: Wanna grab a pole, Lacey? –6 train, 51st St Overheard by: With a name like that…… Chick on cell: I sat on a Camelback’s nipple, and now my ass is wet. –Harlem Overheard by: Ladle Woman with big bag squeezing past for a seat: Sorry — once I’m in, you won’t even feel me. –LIRR Overheard by: Rebecca

A Wednesday One-Liner Is Worth a Thousand Words

Cheerful lady taking photos: Smile! Say, ‘Shit’! –20th & Park Overheard by: Rose Fox Chick with camera: I am gonna Flickr the fuck out of you! –Burp Castle, 7th & 2nd Overheard by: Still dazzled by the flash Hippie chick: Yeah, I put up a picture of her on my site — the one of her on the couch. It was the only picture where she didn’t have two dicks in her. –Thai restaurant, Park Slope Angry man, about his ex: I was looking at her picture and got mad right away. You know instant oatmeal? I was instant angry. –Staten Island Ferry Overheard by: KristenH Man with accent, into pay phone: I have the pictures! With the girl, yes! … Vagina in them! Yes! –W 4th St

…But Then We'd Be Late for Our Spa Appointment. Sophie's Choice!

Creepy dude, walking up to two college kids: Hey, you guys look pretty smart, can I ask you a question?
College guy: Uh, we can't um… help you.
Creepy dude: I'm not asking for money, I just have a question. So if someone like, is an accomplice in a kidnapping, are they just as liable as the person who did the actual kidnapping?
College guy: I think it depends.
Creepy dude: Great! Thanks. (creepy dude walks away)
College chick: Is this one of those, “if you see something, say something” moments? Maybe we should call a popo. –Port Authority Bus Terminal Overheard by: Vicksburg

There's No Pill for What Wednesday One-Liners Have

Nervous hipster: You know, it's really true what they say about friends with eczema… –50th & 8th Overheard by: chris Guy on cell: So she got cancer, big fuckin deal! –1st Ave & St. Mark's Man on cell: Next time they call, just politely say there's no one here with diabetes. –Central Park Overheard by: Lola Black Woman exiting car: There's this bump between my ass and cooch. I think I should get that checked. –W 4th St 20-something guy to 40-something woman: Look, I'm not saying I'm not concerned about my hand being sticky, but I'm more concerned about malaria. –Café

…Now Cut Me, Mick!

Man to woman trying to get into car surrounded by snow: It's not going to be easy.
Woman: Well, if Rocky's taught us anything it's that there's no easy way out. –8th Ave & 41 St