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Nah, Stolen
Guy eating pizza: Its hottt!
Girl: Temperature hot or spicy hot?
--29th & 7th Ave
Now Where Do Crackheads Figure Into This Schema?
Girl: I think I'm going to be a lumberjack tomorrow.
Friend: But then how will we tell you apart from the hipsters? I mean really, what's the difference between a lumberjack and a hipster?
Girl: One of them has a job.
--Citi Field
Or, You Know, Wherever
Guy, watching the Discovery shuttle making final flight: What's that? Two planes together?
Friend: The top one is the Challenger that went to the moon.
--Queens
Sorry-- I'll Switch to Decaf
Employee #1: Allllllll niiiiiiiight loooooong. I'm gonna give it to ya, give it to ya, give it to ya, give it to ya...
Employee #2: Yo, shut up. This ain't no Puerto Rican idol.
--Starbucks
Hef's Parents Had a Similar Issue with Him.
Mother: Get your butt over here!
Little girl on leash: I am looking for the bunnies! (looks over a pile of large garbage bags)
Mother: You are fucking gettin' on my nerves!
Little girl on leash: (starts to rip open garbage on street)
Mother: (tugs leash and slaps daughter's hand and then begins pulling her daughter down the street)
Little girl on leash: Mom! I want to pet the bunnies!
Mother: I fucking told you already many times they bite and you will get diseases and rabies! You are so stuu-pidd.
--115th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Michael Bastianelli
Rats Are Not Born in the Subway, Dear Reader
Nervous girl holding wobbling cardboard box: It's chewing through the box!
Boy holding birdcage: That's so cute!
--94th & Broadway
Oh, Leave That Poor Old Security Guard Alone.
Five-year-old boy, looking at turtle: Oh, look! A frog!
Older sister: That's not a frog, that's a lizard.
--Prospect Park Zoo
Overheard by: Brian Borsics
Even with the Fine Array Of Quality Beauty Products for Affordable Prices?
Employee #1: Does this look shlumpy? (indicates plastic water bottle, shoved in front pocket of her work shirt)
Employee #2: We work at Rite Aid. We all look shlumpy.
--Rite Aid, Brooklyn
Tonight on Iron Chef
Girl #1 to host: Can you change the tv to MSG?
Girl #2: MSG? Is that a channel?
Girl #3: Isn't that in Chinese food?
--51st & 2nd
Hence the Zagreb Sauce
Man: So did you like your lobster?
Woman: Yeah. It was like eating a really big shrimp.
Man: Mmm-hmm.
Woman: I mean, they're basically the same animal, a lobster and a shrimp.
Man: Well, yeah. A shrimp, a lobster, a crab-- they're the same family. Croatians.
--Chelsea Market
Overheard by: R.B.
Meet the Nicest Girl on the Upper West Side
Guy: Wat's your name?
Girl: Melissa
Guy: Do you want to get a drink sometime.
Girl: I have a boyfriend... But I appreciate your courage.
--Bar, Upper West Side
Wednesday One-Liner Pong
Inebriated frat guy to another: No, you drunk asshole, it's the Mongolian bakery!
--Columbus & W 70th
Overheard by: JKK
Frat boy: I'm Brad Pitt's brother! Who do you think you're cutting corners with?
--Union Square
Bro, loudly: Beer pong is about drinking and winning.
--13th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Basket
Pre-teen to another: I was breastfed by a fat boy!
--Union Square
