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Luckily, They're the Only Two People Who Can Stand Each Other
20-something redhead to friend, while texting: Wait... Maryland is down, and New York is up, right? I mean map-wise.
Friend: What the fuck?
20-something redhead, no longer texting: I had so much fun tonight. Can we do this again... lately?
Friend: Uhhh, do you mean "soon"?
20-something redhead: Yeah. Soon, lately, you know what I mean.
--Windsor Court, Murray Hill
We Finished the Cashews. That's a Pen.
Woman #1: These almonds are great.
Woman #2: These are cashews. We finished all the almonds earlier.
Woman #1: These cashews are great.
--Grand Central
Would "Your Lips!!!" Be an Inappropriate Answer?
Customer: I'd like a footlong meatball sub on wheat.
Manager: What would you like on your balls, sir?
--Subway Restaurant
Overheard by: Mondoman
It's in a Bucket Labeled "KFC"
Georgia hick: We need to see if our animals are here.
Flight attendant: Um, how many do you have?
Georgia hick: One. A chicken.
--LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: Dave
Worst. Timecop Sequel. Ever.
Customer: My MetroCard isn't working.
Booth agent: Is it expired?
Customer: No, it's good until the end of the year.
Booth agent, looking at card: You're right, let me check it. (swipes card) Oh, you can't use it today because you already used it tomorrow.
Customer, looking confused: Oh-kaaay...
Booth agent: I will buzz you through today, but see your office administrator about this.
--86th & Lexington
For Instance, If She's a Relative.
20-something guy #1: You don't go to see a bitch without a condom.
20-something guy #2: Depending on how well I know her, yeah I do.
--Queens
Overheard by: Tara
Or Have an IQ Above 50
Girl: Wow, you are really tall!
Guy: Yeah, I know...
Girl: No, seriously, you're like as tall as that Ying Yang guy!
Guy: What? Who? Oh, you mean Yao Ming?
Girl, laughing: Oh yeah, whatever, I don't watch baseball.
--NYU
Who Says You Can't Win an Argument?
Girl #1: Stop pushing!
Girl #2: You stop pushing!
Girl #1: Stop pushing or I'm gonna punch your fat teeth into your fat face!
--F Train
Overheard by: goodstuff
What Runs Through Parents' Minds When They Picture Their Kids in the Big Apple
Drunk hobo: You guys are attractive. You got the hair thing going on and you have the sideburns working for you. (flexes biceps)
Teenage boys: Ummm... Thanks.
Drunk hobo: Guys... listen. Guys... birds of a feather fly together. Birds of a feather fly together. You don't see seagulls flying with pigeons or pigeons flying with seagulls. Birds of a feather fly together! You guys have any money?
(they give him some change, he walks away)
Sketchy man overlooking: Wow... that guy was crazy. Do you kids want some weed or some blow?
--Sitting Area, 48th & 8th
Overheard by: Brendan
Now That's Customer Service
Indian counter-person #1 to girl buying beer: Do you want a straw?
Girl: No, thanks.
Indian counter-person #2: I hear you get more fucked up if you drink it from a straw.
--Spring & Mott
Overheard by: Clannah
Everybody Says That, but They Never Return
Girl: I don't know why people think my relationship with my roommate is weird...
Friend: What do you mean?
Girl: Yeah, well, cuz people hate the fact we like spooning with each other.
Friend: I need more sugar in my coffee... be right back.
--Dunkin' Donuts
Where You're Given Sponges Instead Of Soap?
Bimbo #1 with yoga mat: Have you ever done the two-hour boot camp workout thing?
Bimbo #2 with yoga mat: No, but I hear it's as bad as being in a contraception camp.
--72nd & Columbus
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