...For Silly Things Like Your Medicine.

(dad is making Care Bear stuffed animal "dance."
Little girl: Stop shaking her, daddy! You're gonna make her cry! Except she's a mommy and mommies don't cry, right?
Dad: Only when they want money.

--Manhattan-bound F Train

Overheard by: alisha

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Posted 2008-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

And Getting Better Every Minute

Girl (sobbing): I'm sorry... I know cheating is never the answer... I'll do whatever I can to make it up to you.
(long silence)
Guy (chuckling): Sorry for laughing. I'm just thinking of what a better person than you I am.
(five minutes later)
Guy (still chuckling): You know you're hot and guys hit on you all the time but what you forget is that I'm hot. Girls hit on me every day. But I'd never cheat because I'm a good person.

--Metro Cafe, 57th & 5th

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Posted 2008-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Actually, My Dealer Bestowed It Upon Me

Guy: Oh my god! I just snorted!
Girl: Hey! There's only room for one snorter and I've already claimed that title.

--AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway

Overheard by: Natalie

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Posted 2008-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Eminem's Also from Michigan, So You Do the Math

Guy from Michigan: That stripper robbed me.
Cop: How so?
Guy from Michigan: She said if I gave her $150 she would jerk me off. I payed her the $150 and she didn't do it. I want her arrested.
Cop: Is everyone from Michigan an asshole or just you?

--Show World

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Posted 2008-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

...For Taking Pictures Of My Bed and Posting Them on the Internet.

Dad: So what's that thing you want for your birthday again?
Little boy: A Wii.
Dad: Wii? As in wee-wee? Gross!
Little boy: You're immature.
Dad: You wet the bed.
Little boy: You're immature.

--1 Train

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Posted 2008-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Hey, the One Thing Gays and Straights Agree on Is Julie Andrews

Guy #1: So there I was, screwing my pillow in my sleep... Ya know, really bouncing the bed.
Guy #2: So... What? She didn't like that?
Guy #1: Well, ya know, she woke me up and asked if I was alright. Ya know. I mean I was laying there with a boner you could break rocks with and all confused. That's when I said "Where's Julie?"
Guy #2: That's freakin' messed up, man!"
Guy #1: Yeah. Crap... That being her sister's name and all.
Guy #2: I'm going to laugh my ass off over this. Did you tell her it was Julie Andrews?
Guy #1: Fuck! I didn't want her to think I was a pervert or something.

--NYU

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf? |
Posted 2008-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Development of the Vitamin-Enhanced Pussy Hits a Snag

Girl: No! I will not put your Propel bottle in my vag!
Boy: Come on, I'm sure it'll fit!
Girl: No! I will not! Do you want vag juices all up in your Propel bottle?!
(boy walks away)
Girl (to self): I didn't think so.

--Upper West Side

Overheard by: Sophie

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf? |
Posted 2008-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

You Could Do That Now--It Would Just Be Yucky

Teenage girl #1: But what if humans could lay eggs too?
Teenage girl #2: That's disgusting! I wouldn't want to eat your eggs!
Teenage girl #3: You know, then you could always survive. Even if you were trapped on an island. You could just eat your own eggs!
Teenage girl #1: Yes. But, only once a month.

--East Houston St

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Posted 2008-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

I Was on a Lot of Drugs in Grade School

Customer to punk teenage girl behind counter: I'd like a dozen rolls, please.
Punk teenage girl: A dozen... What's that, like twenty?

--Delicatessen, Park Place

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Posted 2008-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Or Was That Mustard?

Lady: I'm lactose intolerant!
Waitress: Then why are you putting butter on your bread?
Lady: I didn't know butter was dairy! I thought it came from eggs!

--Veselka, E 9th & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Katznik

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Posted 2008-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Carrot Top?

Bearded guy #1: Wow! Two Quakers on one train! We could start a riot.
Bearded guy #2: Or whatever the opposite of a riot is.

--Metro North Hudson Line

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf? |
Posted 2008-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

Well, Sometimes We Toast Them.

Waiter from Minnesota: Yeah, check it out! Minnesota is the 2nd healthiest-eating state!
Bartender from Brooklyn: What do you eat in Minnesota?
Waiter: Well, there are a lot of Scandinavians there so we eat like, you know, sandwiches.
Bartender: (silence)
Waiter: What?
Bartender: You're actually serious, aren't you?

--Greenwich Ave & 7th Ave

Overheard by: TrigStarr

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Posted 2008-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook



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