Overheard in New York
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/
The Voice of the City2012-02-08T00:00:00-05:00Wednesday One-Liners Hit the Snooze Button
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025026.html
Girl to friend: Dude, so I was totally falling asleep on the toilet at work and thought of you!
--Abilene, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Mateo
Homegirl on cell pacing by the subway: Woman put a cigarette out on my daughter. I hear about it, come rushing down, there's cop cars and shit out down the block. I pull up, pull out my gun, no shit, put that shit right in that bitch's mouth. And she didn't think I was serious till I cocked that mother fucker back an' scream, "what did you do to my daughter!?" Shit was crazy. And that was one of the most fucked up dreams I've ever had.
--1 Train
Overheard by: simon
Buff guy on cell: Yo, nigga, what up? I got the truth right here, I haven't slept for three days. You hear me? I been awake for three days! I ain't never gonna sleep again! I'm going for eternity! Eternity, nigga! I am the agent of god! The agent of god! You hear me?
--110th & Manhattan Ave
Overheard by: Flaxxxen
Comedy guy: I know you all like to get a lot of rest for your health. Well, this show will put you right to sleep.
--Times Square
Overheard by: meq
Hipster to girlfriend, stoically: I liked you better when you were sleeping.
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Djlindee2012-02-08T00:00:00-05:00I Always Knew Girls Were Bad at Mat.
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025025.html
Girl, holding yoga mat: Can I see it first? Guy: Think yoga mat times two. Girl: I don't know if I can handle that!
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Djlindee2012-02-07T22:00:00-05:00Which Kardashian Is Which? Show Your Work.
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025024.html
Girl #1: She's not a whore... Girls #1, #2, #3, in unison: She's a tease! Girl #4: That's stupid. I'd rather be a whore.
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Djlindee2012-02-07T20:00:00-05:00You'll Never Really Understand the Other Gender 'til You've Walked a Mile in Its Shoes.
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025023.html
Woman, watching ice skaters: I can't watch the Super Bowl. Man: How can you not watch the Super Bowl? Woman: Can you go shoe-shopping for eight hours and not buy anything? Man: Good point.
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Djlindee2012-02-07T18:00:00-05:00If You Start Singing Aretha Again, I'm Traveling with Someone Else.
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025022.html
Latino teen #1: I just figure when I get to Mexico I'll ask for bud and hope I don't get kidnapped... Latino teen #2: No, nigga... sock it!
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Djlindee2012-02-07T16:00:00-05:00Learning to Withhold Intercourse Is Truly a Beautiful Rite Of Female Passage
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025021.html
Girl #1: Okay, so how do I get him to believe me? I need him to believe me! Girl #2: What? Girl #1: I need Chris to belieeevveee me! Girl #2: Listen, girl, just tell "you better believe me you're in jail! Believe me." It's all you can do, gurl!
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Djlindee2012-02-07T14:00:00-05:00Before They Become Cute and Cuddly Werewaiters
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025020.html
Husband at deli: Nice waiter. Remember how rude they used to be? Wife: Well, I'm sure during the day they still are.
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Djlindee2012-02-07T12:00:00-05:00Wasn't This a Denzel Washington Movie?
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025019.html
Female MTA employee, over PA, after train doesn't stop at Fordham: Chris, we missed Fordham. Male MTA employee, also over PA, sounding drunk: I fucked up.
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Djlindee2012-02-07T10:00:00-05:00Rupaul Was a Feisty Little Kid.
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025018.html
Mother: Do you remember what this is? Four-year-old son: No. Mother: It's what mommy has. Its a vagina. Remember all little girls have a vagina. Four-year-old son: No, they don't. Mother: What do they have? Four-year-old son: Penis. Mother: No, that's what little boys have. Four-year-old son: Oh, yeah, hehehe... I forgot.
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Djlindee2012-02-07T08:00:00-05:00Translation: "You'll Get a Three-Cent Tip in the Bottom Of a Water Glass."
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025017.html
Waiter: So everyone here is getting a water? Girl: Yeah, we're easy. (winks)
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Djlindee2012-02-07T06:00:00-05:00Short Term Memory Loss Can Be a Real Drag.
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025016.html
Hobo: Excuse me, sweetie, can I bum a cigarette? Female tourist: Eh... I already bummed you one. Hobo: Oh, you did? When? Female tourist: About eight minutes ago. Hobo: Really? (proceeds to take pack from his pocket, pulls a cigarette and lights up) I must have forgot.
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Djlindee2012-02-07T04:00:00-05:00Umm, This Is Metro NY.
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025015.html
Black guy #1: Hey, come get your newspapers here! Black guy #2: Hey man, is they free? Black guy #1: Ohmigod. That's the problem you with you black people! Damn, ya always want free shit! No, nigga, it ain't free!
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Djlindee2012-02-07T02:00:00-05:00So Anyways, We're Dating Now
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025014.html
17-year-old girl smoking on her stoop, on phone: We had this party at school and I was tardy, and my English professor told me don't mark late, mark tardy, and I said but they said if I erased anything I'd be in trouble, he said, tell them they are stupid, tell them they are ignorant. So then I'm in English class, and my teacher and me are the only girls and one of the guys says I'm never getting married because all girls are birds, and I say, what is a bird? And he says a bird is a girl who gives it up on the first date, a bird is a girl who stays out til midnite on a school nite, a bird is a girl who takes your number at a party, a bird is girl who goes to clubs.
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Djlindee2012-02-07T00:00:00-05:00You Know It's Impossible to Get Her to Talk Dirty to You, Right?
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025013.html
Snobbish girl: My sister has no friends. Disinterested guy: Hmmm. Snobbish girl: She is lonely. Disinterested guy: Hmmm. Snobbish girl: I have been telling her to buy the new iPhone with Siri. She will at least have someone to talk to. Disinterested guy: I wish I had that phone too.
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Djlindee2012-02-06T22:00:00-05:00Female Solidarity Is Alcohol-Soluble
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025012.html
Drunk girl #1: I don't care if Tim's going have a baby with her. I'm still gonna fuck him. Drunk girl #2: Good for you!