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His Parents Had to Walk Into a Bar
Boyfriend: So you heard 'bout the Russian guy, the Jewish one? He's both, ya know. Russian and Jewish.
Girlfriend: Yeah, I know. Jewish is a religion.
Boyfriend: Yeah.
--B61 Bus
...And You Say I Always Forget Our Anniversary!
Annoyed wife: Why is there toast in my purse?
Clueless husband: It's not toast, it's a cracker.
--FAO Schwartz
That's Mostly European Immigrants, Dude.
Short Indian guy in high voice: No, no, you don't understand! Immigrants do very much for this country!
Tall, fat white guy in heavy Brooklyn accent: Ahhhh, up your ass!
--F Train
Overheard by: donald morgan
Just As Long As It's Chicks Who Are Willing to Sleep with Me
20-something hipster boy #1: So, you ever think that the US will stop being the most powerful nation in the world?
20-something hipster boy #2: Well, if not us, then who?
20-something hipster boy #3: They say China will take over eventually.
20-something hipster boy #2: China? What the hell are they gonna do, drop people on us?
--E Train
Overheard by: chinese girl who sat next to them
She's Hoping He'll Become Her Ventriloquist Dummy
Boy on cell on platform: So yeah, I'll be there soon...I'm at the... um... The um... The... what do you call it? I'm waiting for the umm, and I'm at the... (sighs) What do you call it?
Girl next to him, whispering loudly: Traaaaiiinnn statiiionnnnn!
Girl next to her, yelling: Platform, train station, waiting for a train!
(Boy walks away still on phone)
--Metro-North Rail
Overheard by: Gabriela
Like You Did About That Whole HIV Thing
Teen boy: No, I can't hide a bottle there. She makes me do it with the door open. She'll see.
Teen friend: She's going to watch you pee?
Teen boy: No, I have my back to her, but she'll notice a bottle. Maybe I can use a Visine bottle.
Teen friend: Just tell her that a positive result is good and negative is bad.
--B1 Bus
Let Us Pray
Orthodox Jewish man #1: We're sending her to Westchester for her eating disorder.
Orthodox Jewish man #2: Is that like a fat farm? Maybe she'll lose weight.
--Manhattan Beach Park
Overheard by: Vespertinas
...We're a Bank, Sir.
Furious hobo: I just got run over in your parking lot and I can't even get a beer!?
Woman: Sir, we don't even serve beer.
--Northern Blvd, Queens
Better Prepare for Your Troll Years, Sally
Boyfriend: 30 years from now I'm gonna slap the shit out of you.
Girlfriend: Why? 'cause I'll be 51?
Boyfriend: Yes. You'll be ugly!
--Grand Central Terminal
Like That Awesome Hobo Who Urinated on Us Earlier!
Tourist: I read about this place in that New York book I got from the library.
Guy in line: Did it also tell you that when it's a full moon everything is half off?
Tourist to friend: Dude! We should just both get the large, then.
Friend: I love this town and its little quirks like this.
--Gray's Papaya
Sacha Baron Cohen, Is That You?
Drunk British guy to woman with small dog: My god, your dog is beautiful!
Woman: Thanks.
(British guy leans down and makes sexual motions near dog)
Woman: Stop, oh my god!
British guy, getting up: Lady, can you not see that I'm just trying to appreciate a beautiful dog! (runs away)
--Ave A & 9th St
Bait Like This Calls for a Bigger Fish
Comedy club guy: Are you ready to be dazzled by comedy?
Cute girl: Do I look like a fucking tourist to you?
Comedy club guy: Well, are you ready for a boyfriend then?
Cute girl: Maybe if you looked better.
--42nd St & Broadway
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