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Employee: Can I leave at 5?
Boss: Why?
Employee: I cannot work here for more than 5 hours day, for medical reasons.
Boss: What reason?
Employee: Well, this work is so dull and unsatisfying that if I work more than 5 hours a day I could jump out the window?
Boss: Wait, did you say you go to NYU?

--22nd Street office


Bystander guy #1: Congratulations!
Bystander guy #2: One sixteenth of you are gonna make it!

--NYU Graduation Ceremony, Washington Square Park