Wednesday One-liners Are Ready to Order

Waitress: Sorry sir, your order did not come out as you expected. The cooks don't speak English so they didn't understand what you wanted.

--ESPNZone, Times Square


Overheard by: Rachel W


Spanish girl: When I got my tongue pierced it wasn't swollen at all. They was tellin' me to eat soup and shit. Fuck that! I was eatin' rice and beans like five times a day! I am not gonna starve myself for no piercing. Fuck that! Gimme a T-bone.

--M train


A hobo walks up to the people outside and says: Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? It has no atmosphere.

--Indochine, Lafayette Street


Drunk guy: So I eat the Baklava, then I go into the bathroom to take care of my business. When I come out I say, "What's the problem?".

--47th & 9th


Overheard by: JH


Woman: Can you please make sure it's a boy lobster? I'm only into boys, and don't want to eat a girl.

--Austin ale house, Kew Gardens


Overheard by: tom


Pudgy guy on cell: I used to pay for dinner for three. But now I don't pay for anyone, I just have Apple Jacks at home.

--Williamsburg


Overheard by: Alita