Stand Clear of the Closing Wednesday One-liners

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, there is more than one door on this train. In fact there are 30 of them. Please feel free to use the other 29.

--1 train


Overheard by: Traveler Bill


Conductor: Canal Street next after this brief musical interlude.

--R train


Overheard by: Mark


Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we're stuck at this station because I have to get permission from Queensboro before we can leave and they're not answering the phone. I think they all went home to get some sleep.

--N train


Overheard by: SP


Conductor: You have to get on the train when the doors are open. Thank you!

--MetroNorth train


Overheard by: alyssa


Man: Passengers, do not keep quiet if you see George W. Bush or Dick Cheney. If you see George W. Bush or Dick Cheney attempt to get them impeached. This has been a MTA announcement.

--6 train


Overheard by: Sarah


Conductor: Attention passengers, there is a train directly behind this one...ten degrees cooler.

--6 train


Conductor: This is Borough Hall, home of Brooklyn borough president Marty Markowitz, also known as Mr. Brooklyn. On behalf of your borough president, and your conductor, welcome to Brooklyn: a nice place to visit, a great place to live!

--F train