Conductor: I get paid whether this train moves or not. We can sit here all day, or if you want to go somewhere, stand clear of the doors. –B train Overheard by: Captain Obvious Conductor: If you are carrying a knapsack or large bag, please consider being searched by the police. –LIRR Overheard by: Kelly Wittman Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, please do not contribute to panhandlers. Panhandling on the subway is illegal, and is also against the law. –R train Conductor: …we are told the delay is indefinite…for future reference “indefinite” does not mean the train won’t leave at all. So all those people that just got off the train and went upstairs to wait, are still waiting! And you’re on your way! –Penn Station Overheard by: Ziggy Stardust