Wednesday One-liners Wander New York
Bag lady on pay phone: Well, I'll admit that she's cold, but I don't know about manipulative.
--Times Square
Continue reading "Wednesday One-liners Wander New York"
Hobo: Help the homeless stay homeless! It takes money to keep me on the street!
--53rd & 5th
Hobo: Anybody who buys me breakfast will get to kiss me for
2 minutes, that is it, but breakfast must be something sweet.
--3rd between 57th & 58th
Crazy lady: Get out of my way! I'm a loaded pistol! I am not a passenger! This is a terrorist attack! I'm an Arab man! Me and Osama and all the other Arab men are going to kill you and your families!You're going to die on the train! You're all dogs! With a dog penis!
--F train
Hobo: Child support...yeah, yeah..."Hey, kid! Get a job!" Child labor
is child support.
--F train
Overheard by: Caroline Duncan
Hobo: Electricity is fucking cool.
--50th & 6th
Overheard by: C Money
Hobo: Please give me some change, I am homeless and deranged!
--Astor & Lafayette
Overheard by: Alyson Leigh
Hobo: Why doesn't anyone talk to me? Why doesn't anyone on this train have the nerve to look me right in the eye and tell me why you don't like me? I dare you to tell me why!
--L train
Hobo: Don't you people know? Vegetables are all made of sugar! They turn into sugar! Don't you know about diabetes? Obesity wasn't a problem in the 1950s!
--Union Square
Overheard by: Kelly
Hobo: Crack is right here! Faggots! All over, everywhere! 14th Street and Fifth Avenue, two homos, looking for boys!
--Union Square
Hobo: Parlez-vous fran
change?
--Houston & Mulberry
Hobo: Yo, Japanese ho, I need to buy something from your asshole!
--Bond & Bowery
Overheard by: wecantdraw
Hobo: Can someone gimme $100? I needs to get high and gets me some pussy...I'm a backbreaker. Straight up backbreaker. Why don't some of ya come with me? $100 for a ho...I'm gettin off at 14th. But before I go I'ma tell ya about the vapors. I got the best vapors. I'ma show ya the vapors. I got the best vapors. You gonna see when I leave this train. I'ma show ya the vapors. The best vapors...chocolate chip cookies.
--4 train
Overheard by: Cinnamaniac
Hobo: I'm the CEO of panhandling, motherfucka...Give me $20.
--Carmine & 6th
Overheard by: Will
Hobo: I will take any food: Chinese, French, Italian, Jewish, Irish, Trinidadian, Mexican...My stomach is like the UN Building. It's international.
--5 train
UHO guy: Help the homeless, make a dontation. Make a donation before I make you make a dontation.
--Park & 30th
Crazy lady: You know Puff Daddy is my stepfather, right? That's right. He owns New York City. The whole thing. And California too, I think.
--B51 bus
Hobostradamus: The terrorists are going to bring down America. They're going to bring us down through the water and the chicken.
--121st & Amsterdam
Hobo: Satan! Get your satan horns! The devil is the only one on our side, the devil is the only one on our side...and that's the truth!
--C train
Overheard by: Marlon Disla
Hobo: I have never met a woman who was not a government agent, a secret agent, on a mission to destroy men...Women don't like men. Never have, never will.
--F train
Overheard by: Scott Nybakken
Hobo: I never met a woman that wasn't a secret government agent. She get you to marry her, and then she bring you to the government building, and you like, "Hide me! Hide me!" but you can't hide,
'cause she a secret agent.
--6 train