Conductor: I'm going to repeat this again, because some of you are confused. Not just today, but also in the future. --5 train Conductor: Okay, everyone exhale, and we can squeeze a few more people in. Get friendly, folks... --E train Overheard by: C Invid Conductor: Attention passengers, we are currently being held in the station. A passenger in the rear of the train is holding the doors open. Reason: unknown. --F train Conductor: This is 14th street. You can transfer to the F and V trains, but I don't recommend it. --2 train Overheard by: Will Walker Conductor: This train is going straight to hell. --N train Conductor: Just as you cannot walk up both the West and the East side at the same time, this train cannot go up both sides at the same time. --5 train Conductor: If you want to hold the doors, you can sign up to take an exam to be a conductor. --A train Overheard by: Becky Goertz Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, did I lose a bet to get on this train? --LIRR Conductor: Hey, I'm sorry everyone, the train's got a flat tire, we've got to get someone to come down here and fix it. --Times Square shuttle Overheard by: JB Conductor: There is a customer blocking the doorway and preventing the train from leaving the station... --2 train Overheard by: Rina Majmudar Condutor: Carl, if you can't fix that door we're going to have to dump this load. --Prospect Park station Overheard by: Brian McGrath Bus driver: Today only we're offering free coffee and donuts in the back of the bus. --M86 bus Announcement: Okay, that's enough now. You've played that same song ten times! We're tired of hearing it. Clear out...Really, you've played that song already. Come on now. --Lexington/53rd station Conductor: This is 59th Street, Columbus Circle. Transfer to the 1 train on the upper level. Ladies and gentlemen, due to necessary track work, the A and D trains are running on the local track. That's A as in Apples and D as in Daddy Done Did It. --C train Overheard by Melissa Berry Conductor: The station exit near the back of the train closes at 9PM...but that doesn't matter now anyways...Yeah, it's definitely open now. --F train Announcement: Sir, sir, please do not take a dump on the platform. Sir, please do not take a dump on the platform. --Times Square station Overheard by: Queen Bee Conductor: Listening carefully to this announcement is going to be very important to your getting where you want to go. --5 train Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, being that the train is crowded, here's a piece of advice to prevent being pickpocketed: always keep one hand on whatever you are carrying with you. Feel free to do whatever you like with the other hand. --L train Overheard by: Rich Alicea Conductor: I've just gotten a report that one of the passengers is dead, so I'm gonna go check that out. --E train Overheard by: Noeld Conductor: I would like to go home sometime tonight. Please stop playing with the doors. If you would like something to play with, go play with yourself." --A train Overheard by: Lisa Conductor: Ah...ladies and gentlemen, attention, please...if the train is too crowded, please take it up in the rear. There is always more room in the rear. --6 train Overheard by: Sunny Reiser Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, if the middle of the train is too crowded, please take it up in the rear. There's always room...in the rear. --N train Overheard by: Misha