Conductor: Please deposit your trash in the provided receptacles. Trash on the tracks catches on fire and causes delays. Remember, the trash you throw out today will be the delay you don't experience tomorrow. --F train Overheard by: rumman_c Old woman: They just said we're on a broken-down B. --B train Conductor: Is this part of the fucking holiday bonus plan? --R train Overheard by: Lady A Conductor: We are sorry for the delay. There was train traffic ahead and I like seashells. --R train Overheard by: I.S.O.G. Loudspeaker hijacker: Scooby yo' bitch mama. No, not yo' mama, scooby fat cunt. This is the F train to Queens. 2nd Avenue is next. Lick my salty balls. --F train Conductor: Passengers be aware of wet Barney paint at this station...That's purple paint! --F train Overheard by: Amanda Morante Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, you don't all have to use one door. We have 32 doors on this side of the train alone. If you can't get in, try any one of the 31 other doors. --C train Overheard by: Johnny Tremain Conductor: The next stop is DeKalb where you can transfer for the R train. The R train is running normally: Lawrence Street, Court Street, Whitehall Street, yada yada yada. --Q train Overheard by: jbay Conductor: There is a pink purse on the platform. Someone has left a pink purse on the platform. This train will not leave until someone picks up their pink bag. Has anyone lost a pink purse? There is a pink purse on the platform...Attention, everybody. The woman who lost her pink purse has reclaimed it. A person has been helped today, because I took the time to do something nice. Don't ever say train conductors don't help people. --2 train Overheard by: robin b