Guy: I can add, subtract, multiply and divide. But after that... --N train Woman: I am so over Shakespeare. --Barnes & Noble, 22nd & 6th Overheard by: Jennie Kaufman Guy: Where would someone find a book about envelopes with weird markings on them that made it through the British postal system? --Borders, Time Warner Center Overheard by: Christina Girl: Well, I got the same grade as I got on my last paper, but I wrote this one when I was drunk. --John Jay dining hall, Columbia University Chick: I am Hamlet. I wrote it on the wall in my closet. --Silver Center, Washington Square East Overheard by: Dflo Teen boy: What does off-off-Broadway mean? I know Broadway means that you bought the tickets in person and off-Broadway means you bought them online, but what is off-off-Broadway? --4 train Overheard by: Jenifer Jones Guy: I said, "What do I need a sword for? I'm going to math class!" --Office, 55th & Park Construction guy on cell: Nah man, he axed for some zoh-zoh...Yeah, we all know whah dat means. --52nd between 2nd & 3rd Overheard by: Truckstop Chick: I think my thesis for this paper is going to be, "Isn't it ironic?" --Barnard College computer lab Overheard by: Lily Guy: Yeah, so like, I think, like, all of life is just generalizations...I mean seriously...Just look at how you say "hi" to me...Even that...It's just like a generalization...Y'know? --Grilled Cheese NYC, Ludlow street Overheard by: Justin Fores Girl on cell: You got in? You're going to Catholic School where you can't sleep with the boys! --Cosi, 76th & Broadway Overheard by: Avital Girl: Yeah, they said it has to be classical, so I'm doing this Shakespeare one because Shakespeare's classical, right? --Fordham University, Lincoln Center Overheard by: Trix Chick on cell: I just wrote a paper comparing the relationship between Hannibal Lecter and Starling to the relationship between Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy. --Columbia University Girl on cell: Yeah, the white stuff? It comes out of your body...Yeah, like when you're, like, having sex and it's the white stuff that comes out of you... --Mercer & West 3rd Overheard by: Miss Chung Black guy: Stay in school; I'm gonna go fuck with my cousin. --A train Overheard by: Evan Girl: Oh no, you didn't hear? She's, like, devastated. She got an F on her skirt! --Kofoo, 8th Avenue Overheard by: sandy Guy: He said, "Yeah, I'm gonna start reading inspirational books" and the girl next to me says, "Oh, like the Bible?" and I turned to her and I was like, "No, bitch! What are you talking about?" --Columbia University bookstore Overheard by: Liz Berger Grandma: It's called "graffiti." People write it. --West 4th Street station Overheard by: Rich Mintz Mom: You know what I found out today? You don't gotta go to school. I could teach you, right at home. I don't need a license or nothin'. --1 train Overheard by: Alex F Professor guy: I would have loved to live in the Middle Ages, with a few exceptions: not big on the Crusades, not big on the plumbing, not big on the diseases, but... --Fordham University, Rose Hill campus Overheard by: Jess McGins Guy: He said, "W: Juanita"! It's "Y" you dumbass...or whatever... --F train Overheard by: clear pants Girl: You've got to stop pluralizing! You text message me and you're all, like, "I gots to talk to you about stuffs." It's "stuff," not "stuffs." Just stop pluralizing and learn Een-ga-lish! --1 train Guy: So, yeah, she's going to graduate early, and go right into a life of indentured sexual servitude. --Columbia University Store chick: There's a guy looking for a novel. It's called The Great Gatsby by an author named Fitzgerald. --Barnes & Noble, 17th & 5th Overheard by: Bunk Maintenance guy: "Iraqis take part in election"? Man, who cares what they do. We're not gonna change 'em. The Tali-van, the Tali-van...put 'em in a van and tally 'em. --Elevator, 37th & 8th Girl: I wrote Suck Penis Daily Forever to remember the order of the sublevels or whatever it is on my chemistry test and I never erased it. --Barney's dressing room, Madison Avenue Overheard by: Natasha Gumber