Wednesday One-liners Like Cans of Beans

Hobo: Well, mathematically speaking, I'm fucked.

--2nd Avenue station

Overheard by: Maddog

Hobo: I don't steal. I don't snatch purses. I don't bother women. But don't get me wrong, I'm not a homosexual. But I do bathe. And I do sleep on the subway 'cause I am a bum.

--4 train

Overheard by: Jen McC.

Hobo: Anybody want to take the day off and cuddle with me? It's kosher!

--52nd & 5th

Overheard by: Jess

Hobo: I'm just tryin' to get some pussy here and all y'all gotta come up in here and bother me. Damn.

--PATH train

Overheard by: Everett Moran

Hobo: I've been shitting plastic lately.

--Q60 bus

Overheard by: Ben

Hobo: Please help me...Please help me...I need money to buy popcorn...Please help me...I need a hot meal...I need money to buy popcorn.

--53rd & Park

Hobo: Uh oh, uh oh! You make a big doo-doo! It's okay. I make big doo-doos too.

--Astor Place

Overheard by: Melissa Cole

Hobo: Spare a little change, girls? That's all right, God bless you...even the Chinese girl.

--Bank & Bleecker

Hobo: The tax man has a licence to kill. No questions asked. More people should know that.

--5th Avenue-53rd Street station

Overheard by: Tzvi Tampa

Hobo: If you see a suspicious black package on this train do not pick it up. If you see a large, black package on my seat after I leave, do not worry. It is not a bomb. I've been riding this train for fifteen years. Leave it for the Coney island clean-up crew. They'll take care of it. It is not a weapon, it is not filled with hundred dollar bills, just don't touch it...Did you know that Union Square is a hundred years older than Times Square?

--N train

Overheard by: Zelda

Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, sorry for the interruption. I am trying to raise one million dollars and 25 cents for wine research.

--4 train

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Hobo: All you people who just got on the train, everybody in this car already gave me $7. Everybody gave me $7 but you.

--6 train

Girl: So I saw this homeless guy walking down the street with, like, all the bags and stuff, and he had something bewtween his teeth!

--6 train

Hobo: Hey man, help an ugly dude out, will ya?

--33rd & 8th

Overheard by: Brian Graham

Hobo: What's the holdup? Let's get this train moving! There's people gots to go to work, gots to go to school! There's pregnant people! Court musicians!

--R train

Hobo: Yeah, a couple of Jewish lawyers out to fuck the world...Shee-it.

--42nd & Lexington

Overheard by: Ronald A. Veenker