Bouncer: You see, the schlemiel is the guy who spills his soup in a restaurant. The schlimazel is the guy who has the soup spilled on him.

–1st & A

Guy: Well, what color was this Jew?

–Fort Greene

Woman on cell: …That’s just so not my thing. I am not that kind of Jew, Larry, okay?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Nicole

Lady lawyer: This is a disaster. They should never put non-Jews in charge of the catering.

–Office, Rockefeller Plaza

Chick: Come to think of it, all of my Jewish friends went to summer camp. Isn’t that kind of ironic though; Jews at camp?

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Amanda

Teen boy: I want to be Jewish when I grow up.

–A train

Overheard by: drewseph

Guy on cell: You deserve a gold Jewish Star of David!…Did you swallow?…Yeah, that’s true, one step at a time.

–Astoria

Overheard by: SEM