Wednesday One-liners Cook the Afterbirth

Woman on cell: No, I mean, whatever. I cried for that baby when it died and all. Shit! I even went to its funeral and the damn thing wasn't even born! Who the fuck has a funeral for a baby that wasn't even born?...Whatever, that's not the point. The point is, I'm sure as hell not going to a birthday party for a baby whose funeral I went to a year ago. That is fucking morbid...and they had better not be expecting presents.

--14th between 7th & 8th

Overheard by: Laura Mathis

Girl on cell: Wait, was this the eating disorder cousin or the crack dealer cousin?...Oh, she's having a baby? Wow, I hope it doesn't die.

--Waverly & University

Asian chick: Like you've ever even seen a baby prostitute.

--56th between 5th & 6th

Guy: No, she was four months pregnant when I started dating her. But I certainly did bathe the baby in sperm!

--Hungarian Pastry Shop, Amsterdam Avenue

Girl: I'm not sure, but we are thinking of putting the baby in the closet; it's small but we can fit a crib in there and keep the door open.

--12th Street & 3rd Avenue

Teen girl: It was the saddest thing ever. It was almost as sad as watching a baby cough.

--F train

Overheard by: drewseph

Chick: Omigod, I totally want an Asian baby. Asians make the best mixers. Like vodka.

--49th & 10th

Overheard by: Uncle Jimmy