Wednesday One-Liners Make Mary Kate Heave

Girl on cell: So I woke up with a slice of pizza on my stomach again last night.

--Union Square

Overheard by: Frank B


Man: You know my theory: ground beef makes anything taste better.

--6 train

Overheard by: Sol


Old woman: Give me a donut. But not a very sweet one. I'm diabetic.

--Clarkson Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: astronugget


Fat woman on cell: "Butter Lovers" or "X-treme Butter" with an X?

--Duane Reade, 34th & 8th

Overheard by: Rita


Teenage boy: I had frosted Cheerios for breakfast. That's some heavy shit.

--86th & 2nd

Overheard by: Madison Parks


Woman, yelling into her cell in a thick Puerto Rican/New York accent: I had to call you. Guess what I'm thinking about right now? Guess! You know the little peanut man on the jar of peanuts? Him! The little peanut man.

--crosstown bus, 72nd & Lex


Queer: Here's what I want you to do. First, I want you to spread chocolate on my chest. Then, I want you to spread some nougat, then some caramel and roasted peanuts. Then I want you to fuck me and call me Snickers.

--Fire Island