Conductor: We know it’s Monday, and we’re sorry, but we still want to wish you a good week.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Hates Mondays Conductor: This is the 5:50 super duper express train to Great Neck.

–LIRR

Overheard by: vm Conductor: This is an uptown D train, making stops to wherever I want.

–Uptown D train

Overheard by: tired commuter Conductor: 207th Street. Last stop. Everyone wake up and get the fuck off my train; I want to go home. Thanks for riding MTA.

–Uptown A train, 207th St

Overheard by: How far north can you go? Conductor: Stand clear of the…uh…opening doors.

–Q train, 57th St

Overheard by: K. Chas Conductor: Everybody out. This is the last stop on the Manhattan bound L train. You must use the Brooklyn bound L train and connect to the G to the A or C trains for service to Manhattan. [The train empties] Hahaha. Just kidding! Everybody back on. This train is going to Manhattan.

–Manhattan bound L train

Overheard by: Taylor G. Conductor: Good morning, Manhattan, it’s Friday. We can do this! This is a Brooklyn bound 1 train. It’s 7:54. You’ve got plenty of time!

–1 train