Wednesday One-Liners Have Tunnel Vision

Conductor: The next stop is...155th Street.

--Uptown D train, 170th St

Overheard by: Jess McGins


Conductor, over radio: Hey, Steve, do we have to fill out an unusual occurrence report for being on time?

--Amtrak train out of Penn Station

Overheard by: Mike


Conductor: This is a downtown 4 train making local stops. I repeat, this...Stop looking at me like that, nigga, or I'll kill yo' ass...This is a downtown 4 train making local stops...

--Downtown 4 train


Conductor, over loudspeaker: Come on! Step on the train. Don't just look at the doors. Walk on!

--N train

Overheard by: Lila


Conducter: This is the back! This is the back of the train! The back, as in not the front!

--NJ Transit train, Penn Station

Overheard by: stupid tourist


Conductor: This is South Orange. South Orange. South Orange. [sound of a group of people cheering is heard over the speaker] Hallelujah! Hallelujah! This is South Orange!

--NJ Transit train from Penn Station to Dover


Conductor: We're being held up by a C train in front of us. If you're nervous or scared, we'll be moving to our destination in a moment. No worries!

--Uptown A train

Overheard by: wasn't too worried