Girl on cell: Mom, are you drunk at Wal-Mart again? –86th & Lex Drunk man: I can’t believe they took Ray’s fucking Pizza out of the Ferry Terminal. How am I supposed to sober up before I go home now? –Staten Island Ferry Terminal Drunk guy: I have to move down to this end of the train because, if I don’t, I’m gonna hit that motherfucker down there. I know I only want to hit him because I’ve been drinking. If I wasn’t drinking, he wouldn’t bother me. If I had been drinking more, I’d just hit him. But right now I’m caught in a strange netherworld and I’ll just chill down here. –1 train Overheard by: Susan Elliott Guy on cell: What? That ungrateful, lying bitch. I can drink more Jack through my dick than he could spill on a table! –Times Square Guy: Man, I don’t care if they call Protective Services on me. When my kid turns ten, I’ll be like, “You’re ready. Let’s go get hammered.” No fuckin’ way I’m waiting ’til he’s eleven. –7th St & 2nd Ave 50-Something guy on cell: Yeah, I just spoke to Kate, and everything is wonderful. The liquor stores are open, and people are riding bicycles. –1st Ave between 9th & 10th Overheard by: LiAps Enemy of Bill W.: If we pass a bar, do you guys mind stopping? I just need it chug a beer. It will literally take me 4 seconds. –3rd St & 1st Ave