Girl: I can’t go to the bathroom, I can’t eat grapes, I… I’ll be in a bubble!

–Brooklyn bound F train Hipster girl, emerging from Port-a-Potty: Hey, guys, you have to feel this toilet paper! It’s like silk!… I know, I’m a weirdo.

–Great Lawn, Central Park

Overheard by: Roz Suit: I swear to God, it came out sideways. It hurt coming out, then I got up and looked at it, and it was floating sideways.

–Manhattan bound J train

Overheard by: Barry P. Voice from bathroom stall: Yes!

–Women’s bathroom, Hunter College

Overheard by: acep Girl, to friend washing her hands: Come on, let’s just go. There are more germs on the sink than on the toilet. –Restroom, Grand Central Station Woman, walking out of stall: Left you something! –Restroom, Yankee Stadium Overheard by: alan b hutscar Guy: When I clenched my jaw really hard while I was trying to poop, I think I chipped a tooth. –14th & 3rd