Wednesday One-Liners Aren't Up to FAA Regulations

Ticket agent: Due to recent security restrictions, no one will be allowed onboard with any liquages. No liquages are allowed onboard the aircraft.

--LaGuardia

Overheard by: Liz


Pilot: Those of you who require wheelchair assistance, please remain seated.

--LaGuardia

Overheard by: able to stand


Pilot: Attention, passengers... this is your pilot from the flight deck. We've just been given notice that we're now number two for takeoff, so we should be getting off the ground in just a moment... so if you could all do me a favor and make sure that all your windows are rolled up, because we're about to go really really fast. Thanks for your patience.

--JFK


Flight attendant: Ladies and gentlemen, the captain will be dimming the cabin lighting for the remainder of the flight in order to enhance the appearance of the person sitting next to you. Individual lights are located above your seats if you wish to read, or look at the person sitting next to you.

--JetBlue


Pilot: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm just going to power off the plane for a minute and restart it. Kind of like control-alt-delete on your computer.

--LaGuardia


Flight attendant: Wow, that pilot really doesn't know how to fly!

--Boarding Gate, Delta Marine Air Terminal

Overheard by: Daniel