Wednesday-One-Liners Will Be Held in the Station Momentarily...Thank You for Your Patience

Conductor: There are seats towards the back of the train.
Keep walking! Sometime today, people. What did you stop for? Keeeep walking!

--Train to Grand Central

Overheard by: Muffin


Conductor: Where's the other guy? Raj, if you can hear me, you can come pick up your My Little Pony from the booth.

--LIRR, Hempstead station


Subway station announcement: Because of an earlier incident, all trains are now running.

--Union Square Station

Overheard by: E Moran


Conductor: This is 36th Street. Step to the side and let all the monkeys off the train. Let the monkeys off the train.

--Queens bound N train


Conductor: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is an extremely crowded F train. Next stop is Jay Street, and by this time it's official, every person in New York is on this train. Please stand clear of the closing doors, if you can.

--Coney Island bound F train

Overheard by: F Train Sloper


Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, the next stop is 59th Street. And if you haven't voted and are thinking of voting for Bush, please see the movie Fahrenheit 9/11. Thank you. Stand clear of the closing doors.

--4 Train, 42nd St

Overheard by: Jonny


Conductor: You have yourself a satisfying Thursday.

--F train