Tales from Wednesday One-Liners' Crypt

Man on cell: What are you, some sort of reverse vampire?

--C train

Dude: And there were unicorns exploding in the background... or at least doing whatever it is unicorns do.

--Live Bait, 23rd St

Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson

Chick: You kind of look like a vampire in this picture. But a cool vampire! Like, if you were in The Lost Boys, Kiefer Sutherland would totally want to have sex with you.

--55th & 6th

Overheard by: wants to have sex with Kiefer Sutherland

Drunk hobo chuckling: You people look depressed! I know how to cheer you up. I'll sing my favorite song! 'Ding, dong, the witch is dead, the witch is dead...' [Looks around] Hmmm... [Notices the train going express] What the...? I need a new mathematician! I need a new mathematician!

--6 train making express stops on a surprise basis

Overheard by: Barry Negrin

Sax-wielding hobo: I am an alien! From outer space! Not from Mexico!

--L train

Overheard by: Alex P. Keaton

Ricky's employee: Looks like I'm all out in the fairy department.

--58th & Broadway

Mom: Johnny, put down the sword. Vampires don't use weapons. Their teeth are their weapons.

--Halloween shop, 8th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Adam Nathan