Wednesday One-Liners Have Been So Secularized

Conductor: Attention, ladies and gentlemen, 59th Street is next, 59th Street. Everyone have a pleasant day. And a friendly reminder: only 10 shopping days left until Christmas! Be festive, but don't spend your money all at once! Ho, ho, ho! Always remember the three gift-giving rules of Christmas. They're as easy as A, B, C. A: Make a list of everyone you want to buy a gift for. B: Ask them what they want for Christmas. C: Tell them, 'Give me the money and I'll buy it for you!' 59th Street.

--A train

Overheard by: d, cover your groin

Woman selling adult books entitled Extra-Marital Affair: Get your books here! Make great Christmas presents for your loved ones!

--Penn Station, 34th St entrance

Overheard by: Bewildered

Chick dog-walker on cell: I am not doing A Christmas Carol at the Mississippi Shakespeare Festival!

--Payson Ave & Beak St

Conductor: Listen up, people! I can't stress this enough: you only have two hands. If a third one is in your pocket, make some noise! I'm sure other passengers will help you out. You don't want anyone having a merry Christmas on your hard work. [Long pause, then singing] Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way! [Another pause] There are only six shopping days left. Ho, ho, ho!

--A train

Overheard by: he brightened my day

Tourist watching erection of Rockefeller Christmas tree: What's the big tree for?

--Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: B.W. McAdams