Conductor: All doors are created equal. Please use all available doors.

–4 train

Overheard by: Maggie

Conductor, at 34th St: Stand clear of the closing doors, please. [At 42nd St] Yo, stand clear the doors. [At 50th St] Yo, stand clear the bloody doors. [At 7th Ave] Yo, I ain’t playin’! Stand clear the fuckin’ doors!

–E train

Conductor: Listen, folks. I’m paid by the hour, so I can wait here all day. But if you want to get home, please get those idiots blocking the doors the hell inside the car. Thank you.

–3 train

Conductor on PA: Ladies and gentlemen, this is High Street. The next stop is Broadway-Nassau. Stand clear of the closing doors. You the maaan!

–C train

Overheard by: The Man

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, doors don’t hold people! People hold doors.

–R train

Conductor to woman who jammed her stroller into the subway doors: That was unbelievable. You are unbelievable. You just used a baby to hold open the doors.

–3 train, 14th St

Overheard by: clarence rosario