Boy: Yeah, I mean, the only way that I’d be pissed is if you stabbed me…

–Butler Library, Columbia University

Dude: He threw a bagel at me — knocked me the fuck out!

–15th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Michael Pantozzi

Guidance counselor mediating a conflict between a flock of tween girls: Okay, Yamira* can still go on the field trip, because she told the truth about punching Janalin* in the face.

–PS 8, Washington Heights

Little boy: Smack that, lalalala! [Smacks brother in stroller.] Smack that, lalalala! [Smacks brother again.] Smack that! Lalalala!

–Macy’s

Overheard by: amused sales associate

Guy on cell: Yeah, after that hug I wanted to punch her.

–Walgreens, Union Square