Nine-year-old girl: Trick or treat! If you don’t have any candy, you can give my mom some liquor! –Wine shop, Chelsea Overheard by: Catherynne Valente Cute chick on cell: Hello, Mom. I’m just calling to tell you I got a tattoo, and I’m telling you on your voicemail so I don’t have to hear any shit from you about it. Call me after you calm down. Bye. –Canal & Lafayette Overheard by: Big Larry Mom and nine-year-old daughter are walking hand-in-hand. Daughter, shrieking: No, Mommy, please don’t buy the razor! Anything but the razor, Mommy! –74th & Broadway Tween girl: My mother is probably going to shit on my head. –Broadway & 67th Overheard by: thaler Hipster NYU dude: She’s not my mother anymore. –14th St & 3rd Ave Overheard by: yamutha