High-heeled freshman ringleader: Who invented long division? That guy was smart… He was probably lying in his bed looking at the ceiling and was like, ‘I know, just put them in a little house!’

–1 train near Barnard

Overheard by: Alicia Van Couvering

College dude to chick: Statistics are bullshit, just like facts.

–6th St & 5th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: Rawn

Girl: I use, like, a hundred minutes an hour.

–Queens College

Chick screaming at four-year-old girl: 40 minus 14 is not 34!

–Baxter & Canal, Chinatown

Cashier to employee: They didn’t make you take a math test? When I was a bank teller they tested everyone to make sure you could do math at an eighth grade level. I guess they stopped doing it ’cause too many people failed.

–Duane Reade, Forest Hills