Negligent mom: He’s a little boy — that’s what he’s supposed to do! They have penises so they can wave them around!

–Danice, 125th & 8th

Overheard by: Tammy Scumbag

Guy: You think I don’t have one? You think I don’t have one?! I will flash everyone on this train!

–6 train

Black man to girlfriend: Why you tellin’ everybody ’bout mah dick for? Oh, you sad now? Well, stop tellin’ everybody ’bout mah dick!

–Staten Island

Overheard by: Against Marj

Little kid waiting to cross street: Owww, my wiener!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Sandy

Queer: Rocky got hard during ‘Touch me, touch me’ because Janet would rub all over him and he was straight… And in those little yellow shorts you could see his penis grow like a torpedo.

–1 train

Overheard by: Smirking Minnesotan

Professor, about ancient Greek theater: Lots of padding, lots of masks, lots of… phalluses.

–Columbia University