Wednesday One-Liners Should Be in Foster Care

Security guard to another: ... So if you really want to take a gamble you buy a baby.

--Lobby, Psych building, NYU

Woman on cell: ... And then he said he gonna kick mah baby 'cross the street!

--Union Square

Overheard by: what??

Guy on skates to chick: ... And these people, they eat their babies...

--West Village

Overheard by: Joe is So Friggin Amazing

Chick on cell: So, she trusted this woman to watch over her baby, right? And then she takes the baby to the zoo for a photo shoot and comes back with the wrong baby!

--Grocery store, 8th St & Ave C

Man on phone: So, what? You don't want me to be in the baby's life anymore? ... Well, you know what? I did your sister! [Hangs up angrily.]

--Starbucks, 66th & 3rd

Lady: So I said to my sistah, 'I ain't goin' to spend my weed money on your baby's diapers!'

--Fulton Mall