Teen girl to teen boy: It’s all your fault! Whenever I spend the night with you, the animals suffer.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Zoe

Scene kid: So yeah, he texted me the other day saying, ‘Have you ever seen 30 orphans in a bar before? Me neither. Not until tonight.’ Yeah, they were on their way to a snake farm or something.

–R train

Overheard by: The Bostonian

Woman on phone: Snookie poo… You’re my snookie poo, chipmunk… You mad, chipmunk? Yeah, you a chipmunk and I’m a squirrel. When we get together we throw acorns at the world.

–Q46 bus to Queens Blvd

Man: And then I was like, ‘I’m not a squirrel, I’m a gay man!’

–Mac store

Girl to guy: I’ll never forget the day my goat got polio.

–25th St, Chelsea

Overheard by: Not eating goat cheese anymore

Very loud woman: What, you got lobsters coming out of your ears, you sonofabitch?

–Cubana Cafe, Boerum Hill, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Trying to eat dinner in peace

Sororitard: Everyone always thinks death by shark is horrible, but I’m telling you, it is not that bad.

–Wall St

Overheard by: Pengasaurus