Wednesday One-Liners Make All Stops

Conductor: Welcome to another day on the N train, ladies and gentlemen. If you will look out the window to your right you will see absolutely nothing!

--N train

Conductor on speaker: Kings Highway?! Why's it gotta be Kings Highway?

--B train, Kings Highway station

Overheard by: I feel his pain

Lady conductor: Attention, ladies and gentlemen, blah blah blah, blah blah blah. If you need to get to 28th Street, 23rd Street, or 18th Street, well, you're screwed.

--1 train, 34th St

Overheard by: Nettle

Conductor: There's another train right behind us. There really is. I can see the lights. It could be a bus, but we are in a tunnel underground with tracks running through it, so I'm sure there is another F train behind us.

--F train

Overheard by: I can see the light too

Conductor: Please take small children as you exit the train... Oh... I mean, please take small children by the hand as you leave the train.

--NJ Transit, Penn Station

Cheerful conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, there is no downtown 2 train, but luckily we're going uptown, so it doesn't matter.

--2 train

Overheard by: andy kleiman

Conductor: We're not the NYPD or the FDNY, New York's finest and bravest. Above or below ground, we're the MTA, and we move New York. Ya heard?!

--A train, between 125th & 59th St