Or If I Were Less of a Shit. Either One.

Guy #1: So, my uncle is having marriage problems. His wife found kiddie porn on his computer.
Guy #2: Damn... That shit's illegal. Did she confront him about it?
Guy #1: Yeah... You know what he said to her?
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: 'Well, I wouldn't need to use it if you were prettier.'

--Ozzie's, Lincoln & 7th Ave

Overheard by: augie