Laughing teen pointing at stranger: My dick all up in this lady’s ass! –Crowded 3 train, near 96th St Overheard by: Rich Mintz Conductor: This train is overcrowded due to an earlier incident. Please stand all the way in and clear the doors. If you don’t clear the doors, this train will not move. [At the next stop] This train is overcrowded. Please– Oh, fuck it [doors close]. –Crowded C train Overheard by: Beth Man: Damn, it be lookin’ like the welfare line up in here! –Crowded L train platform, 6th Ave Conductor: I know it’s crowded, people, but use some common sense! Please don’t hold the doors open with your head! –1 train Overheard by: Vicksburg Hispanic bus driver on loudspeaker: Get in here. On my bus you’re all Mexican! Move it, people! –Crowded Q66 bus Overheard by: Empty Refrigerator Conductor: People, this train is very crowded, so please — when the doors are closing I want you all to inhale. –Crowded N train Mom to baby in oversized pram: We’re never gonna get out of here, we’re never gonna get out of here, we’re never gonna get out of here… –Crowded A train Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster