Wednesday One-Liners Will Hold Them Open with a Baby, If Need Be

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we're being delayed, but we will be moving shortly. We're having a door problem -- someone at the front of the train is holding them open.

--3 train, Franklin Ave

Conductor: Get the hell out of the doors... Now! Not when you feel like it! Damn locals.

--2 train

Overheard by: mo love

Conductor: I know you are not holding the doors on my train! I'll kick your ass!

--1 train

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, there is a One train directly behind this train. Please stand clear of the closing doors [repeats this three times]. Alright, if people don't stop holding the doors we gonna put this train out of service and then everyone be on the platform! Is that what you want?!

--2 train

Over the PA: Do not hold the doors. Holding the doors causes delayed service. Delayed service causes late service.

--Shuttle Platform, Grand Central

Conductor: If you do not step away from the doors the train will keep sitting here, you will not get where you are going, and I will still get paid.

--S train