Your Best Option Is Just to Get Fat and Buy the Clothes

Teen #1: Sometimes I fantasize about having a baby with him just so I could be attached to him forever. In fact, last night I was looking on the Internet for when your most fertile days are... And mine is today.
Teen #2, laughing: Well, I definitely don't ever want to get pregnant. Those nasty maternity clothes... Ew.
Teen #1: What?! I like the maternity clothes better than regular clothes!
Teen #2: Nah, fuck maternity!

--Port Authority Bus Terminal