Barn-Cured Virginia Wednesday One-Liners

Lady: You did things to me while I was sleeping! The truth will come out! ... Can I have a cigarette?

--74th & Ridge Blvd

Conductor: There is no smoking on this train! There is no smoking on this train or the platform! I repeat, there is no smoking on this train! If you continue to smoke, I will stop this train and the gendarmes will come and get you!

--Metro-North, Bronx

Dude on cell: Hold on one sec, I'm watching Jimmy try to smoke a cigarette right now and it's like watching a Special Olympics hurdler.

--Upper West Side

Overheard by: djw

Girl on cell: Try smoking it. You should try smoking it.

--26th & Broadway

Hobo peeking in train: Hold the doors for me, okay? I'm just going to have a smoke.

--C train

Stoner chick: What if we actually want to bake something? We'll have smoked all our vanilla extract!

--Elderidge & Rivington

Overheard by: Karin