Lady to girlfriend: Your mother is gross. Two hundred dollars for one concert, four hundred dollars for another… This is why your family don’t have Christmas!

–Marshall’s, 125th St & Lenox Ave

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Woman leading little girl off subway: Don’t worry, Mommy’s pushing all these people out of our way.

–Times Square

Overheard by: sgeness

Father to son: You need to go away from home. When you go to college, or if you choose to go to boarding school, you need to go away — minimum of four hundred miles. And you should go away not just for the sake of going away — you need to get away from your mother.

–Central Park

Tween girl: My mama tried to kill me once, too, but I hit her in the head with a spoon.

–Donnell Public Library

Professor: The set design in Mary Poppins — since it is for children, nothing can be construed as sexual. It is for children before they start thinking of their mothers as sexual creatures… Boy, I’m not sending my mother this week’s lecture podcast.

–Columbia University

Big sis: Don’t be a failure and disappoint Mom!

–Line for American Girl movie auditions, 50th & 5th

Overheard by: slohmie

Ghetto chick on cell: So, yeah, yo — my mother got married this weekend. I don’t know who she married, but she got married this weekend, yo.

–Macy’s