I Feel I Have Earned These Seats

Conductor: Please sit up.
Bag lady lying across several seats, staring at lights: Why won't everyone leave me alone? [Begins loud, incoherent screaming.]
Conductor, backing away slowly: Okay, never mind.
Bag lady, to passenger: So, I tied him up. I gave him a Viagra, and I rode him for seven hours. And that's why I look like this.

--A train

Overheard by: Urban Cowboy