Like Being Pummeled by Thousands of Tiny Penises

Salesman demonstrating massager on self: It's supposed to be heavy so that the weight of it helps massage your shoulders.
Middle-aged woman, unimpressed: What about that one?
Salesman, picking up new massager: This is a vibrator.
Middle-aged woman: [Stunned silence.]
Salesman: Uh, I mean, it operates using vibration -- the first one's called a percussion massager. It's just a... different type of massager.

--Brookstone, Manhattan Mall

Overheard by: she didn't buy either one