There Goes That Young Man's 10-Cent Tip

Old UES lady: We want to split the salad. Can they do that for us?
Waiter, patiently: I'm sorry, we don't split the salads in the kitchen, but I can bring you an extra plate.
Old UES lady: Ugh, I just find that so offensive.

--Candle 79 Restaurant

Overheard by: sypmathetic former waitress