Teen to friends: Yo, who is he? He can’t stop your dick from goin’ where it wants to go.

–125th St station

Overheard by: But I can…

Kid emerging from Sex Ed class: So, if we look at the penis that is Manhattan Island, your house is right on the frenulum.

–Hunter College High

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Woman on phone: I know, he’s an alright guy, it’s just that he won’t stop runnin’ his mouth. I’m telling you, we were making love and he was telling me how his freakin’ day was! I found myself wishing I had a dick just so I could stick it in his mouth and get some quiet!

–D’Agostinos, between 79th & 80th

Overheard by: BritBoy

Drunk frat boy: I’m going to miss you guys! I’m losing the greatest penis in the world!

–Bay Ridge, Brooklyn

Hobo: When life gives you lemons… you show me how big your penis is! Haha! Bet you didn’t know I was going to say that, did ya? Did ya, you cracker faggot?!

–79th & Columbus

Overheard by: not white and straight