Chick on cell: It was amazing! We spent the entire night together. We really connected. It just doesn’t seem like his wife knows him at all… Well, okay, Dad, gotta run. Love you, too.

–Smith & Baltic, Brooklyn

JAP with coldsore: I can’t date Jewish guys anymore. I mean, I really like Jewish guys, but I can’t stand them. Just because I’m dating someone, it doesn’t mean I can’t have sex with someone else!

–Murray Hill Diner

Chick: I thought it was bad being cheated on with an underage albino, but at least she wasn’t a fat tranny.

–42nd St

Girl on cell: I really had to talk about it, and I knew I couldn’t leave anything about our relationship on his answering machine! His wife listens to that! And his kids!

–67th & Broadway

Hipster chick: The married one I was having an affair with — if he MySpaced me, it’d be rude not to MySpace his wife, right?

–Mott & Prince