Hobo to fancy lady: Will you take me home with you? –1 train, 96th St Woman to friend: I know you’re upset because you’re going home to an apartment without a urinal. I feel the same way. [Suddenly shouting] I’m not seven years old! I need a jacuzzi! –1 train Overheard by: Doc Black suit to friend: I’m just gonna go home and pick my ass. –Park Slope Ice queen on cell: You listen to me, Maria — I know you stole those earrings, and if they aren’t back on my bureau when I get home, I’m having you deported! –E 70th & Lex Overheard by: MbigE Angry woman on cell: Why do you keep calling me?! I am going to slap you! Stay home and wait ’til I get there so I can slap you! –4th Ave platform, Brooklyn Overheard by: misspenny Pretty girl to ugly drunk blocking her way: I’m not going home with you! What are you, a fucking idiot? –Spring & Mott St Overheard by: Azo