Wednesday One-Liners Publish or Perish

Professor: If you are selected, meet me and talk to me about the presentation on Thursday, and you can take advantage of me. [Awkward pause, then] If you want to rape me, you are welcome to try, but I don't think so because I am pretty strong.

--NYU

Overheard by: Ting

Political philosophy professor after oral surgery: I had a choice to make: I could have stayed home like a happy clam on Percocet, or I could teach class... I miss the Percocet.

--Hunter College

Overheard by: tanechka

Computer science professor: They [people who figured out which mushrooms were poisonous] were the true pioneers. Screw Edison!

--NYU

Professor: Don't get too excited -- I'm not putting you into groups. Yeah, I saw you all sitting there, looking around, thinking 'Which of these fuckers is going to do all of the work?'

--Fordham University

Professor: Okay, you guys fill out these course evaluations, and I'll go amuse myself for 15 minutes by... doing drugs or something [leaves room].

--Waverly Building, NYU

Overheard by: evanescent

English professor: I can never find enough excuses to use the word 'pus.'

--Hunter College

Overheard by: upperwestsider