Wednesday One-Liners Hope They Get a Pony This Year

Concert-goer to friend: ... And then she told me, 'I had a shitty birthday, but what do you expect? I'm dating a pirate!' And I said, 'He's not a pirate, he's a douchebag! You're dating a douchebag!'

--Beacon Theatre, 75th & Broadway

Woman to friend: I don't know what to get him for his birthday. Do you know what he gave me for my birthday? An ulcer.

--A train, between 59th & 42nd

Chick: He gave me a laptop for my birthday... And we haven't even had sex yet!

--Sol y Sombra

Yuppie on cell: I think because of the mental state I was in that really doesn't count as cheating. Plus, it was my birthday, so technically it never happened, therefore I didn't fuck up or do anything wrong, therefore nothing ever happened to begin with, therefore you have no reason to complain, therefore you are still my girlfriend.

--14th St & E 1st Ave

Overheard by: Adrienne