Woman to friend: I’ll poop on them! I’ll poop all over anyone or anything — that’s not the problem. Just please don’t cut my vagina!

–34th St

Overheard by: tori

High school kid: So, we’re on the train and he pulls down and his pants and takes a shit right there on the seat! To top it off, he takes the shit and starts writing with it. He writes ‘This train smells shitty’ with the shit! [After kid leaves with posse, old lady bursts out laughing.]

–McDonald’s, Ditmars

Overheard by: it was her!

Crackhead to no one, checking out lady passerby: Damn, look at that ass! I’d suck the shit outta that ass…

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: wasn’t that nice

Man, pointing to woman’s dog: You have to squeeze his innards to make sure he poops at the right time…

–15th & Union Square West

Overheard by: glad i’m not that dog….

Drunk girl to kneeling friend: I’m gonna shit on your face!

–10th & 3rd

Asian guy: Horse shit is awesome!

–The Met