Hobo: I’m looking for ladies with pretty toes. Holla, holla! So come here, mama. I like them big, fat, juicy toes.

–125th & 3rd

Overheard by: Thank God I’m wearing sneakers

Hobo to young tourists: Can you give me 85 bucks to buy a seafood platter?

–55th St, between 6th & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Rose

Hobo: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen… Well, I’m not gonna lie — I wanna get high mothafuckahs!

–Queens-bound N train

Overheard by: Ryan M

Hobo: Sir, can you spare me a hundred dollars for a steak dinner?

–Outside Smith & Wollensky Steakhouse

Hobo: You know, if the pilgrims had killed bobcats instead of turkey, we’d be eating pussy for Thanksgiving.

–C train

Hobo to MTA worker walking by: How you doing? [MTA worker keeps walking.] Alright! Keep on truckin’! [MTA worker leaves train.] Get the fuck outta here! Okay! That’s all I have to say! [Hobo leaves train.]

–7 train