Wednesday One-Liners Blame It on the Dog

Clerk: A fart is just a preview of your shit.

--Urban Outfitters dressing room, 6th Ave

Overheard by: NYMD

Frat boy: When she put the six pineapples in her twat, none of us thought she was gonna be able to do it. And then when she farted, there was a cucumber up her butt!

--3rd St, between Ave A & Ave B

Overheard by: Margaret Cho's Little Sister

Fart noise occurs twice.

Woman sheepishly looking into purse, to crowd: My kid put that ringtone on my cell, and I don't know how to get rid of it.

--109th & 3rd

Guy running out of school: Oh, thank God -- thank you, Lord! Thank you so much! [Lets out immense fart.] Christ, I've been holding that in since lunch!

--Outside Bard High School Early College, East Houston St

Girl on cell: You know when you have to fart really bad, but you can't because, y'know, you might shart? That's me right now. That's me.

--9th & Broadway

Gassy man: I hope people are enjoying the warmth from my fart!

--Times Square