Queer: I just want to work on my arms. I don’t need to bother with abs — I’ll just spray them on.

–New York Sports Club, 23rd St

Lady in elevator to grandma with walker: That M.A.C Stuff is like spackle! It stays on for hours!

–Macy’s

Overheard by: nuck

Columbia co-ed: I always put on makeup when I’m drunk. It’s such a bad idea!

–114th St & Broadway

Overheard by: tired of Morningside Heights

Young girl: Mom, can I get my Social Studies teacher a gift? I’ma get her some lotion, ’cause she mad ashy! Yo, I ain’t even lyin’. I ain’t even lyin’…

–Steinway St, Astoria

Ghetto chick hanging up cell angrily: Great! He gone messed up my day! Now I’m definitely getting my hair and nails did!

–Wendy’s, 34th & 8th

Overheard by: Jesus Jon